How 'Bout Them Apples?

A GCS / LOSLI interview with Captain Ed

Captain Ed of Captain's Quarters agreed to sit down and be grilled by Jess.... The transcript follows.

An interview with Captain Ed

LOSLI / GCS: "Welcome Ed."

Ed: "Thanks Jess it is good to be here. You are awfully pale are you sure you are not a Canadian? They scare me almost as bad as a corrupt Tennessee political circle jerk."

LOSLI / GCS: "Not unless Canada annexed the four corners while I have been out. Oh and please call me Admiral Jess."

Ed: "Ahhhh nooooo... You said Oat. It is pronounced out. You said OAT. You freaking lying Canuck. I know a Canuck when I see one."

LOSLI / GCS: "I did no so such thing... I am not a Canuck. I am an American. "(Stands and salutes the flag.)

Ed: "The Canadian government captured me and put a tracking device in my scrotum."

LOSLI / GCS: "Really?"

Ed: "Yes, they captured me on my way home from the seven-eleven. I had been down there getting a slushie.... when out of the blue here came these little pale men. They subdued me into a Volkswagen Bus, laid me out in the back, probed me, then inserted the chip into my scrotum, they then proceeded to leave me at a bus station in Sandy Point Utah."

LOSLI / GCS: "How do you know they were Canadians?"

Ed: "Well, as they were probing me they were quite polite. I was amazed at how cordial they were. Then as they were leaving they were talking about going to the government clinic to get free shots. Freaking socialists, god damn freaking socialists man."

LOSLI / GCS: "Do you seriously have a chip in your scrotum?"

Ed: "Do you want to feel?" (Starts unzipping his pants.)

LOSLI /GCS: "Whoa there Captain. Your sailor needs to stay in his cabin. Has any one ever called you Edwierdo?"

Ed: "Well, no... Are you calling me that?"

LOSLI/GCS: "No.... Well OK, maybe. Anything you would like to add?"

Ed: "Well this one time at summer camp. I put vaseline in a maple tree and pulled down my pants and well uh... you get the picture. That was when I promoted myself to Captain. Any man that can put the screws to a maple tree in the July heat at Camp Wannalaya is a Captain, indeed a captain in my book."

LOSLI /GCS: "Thanks Ed."

Ed: "Thank you Jess. Watch out for pale men in VW Busses. I been there. Glenn Reynolds is still my hero."

*Legal Note*
This is satire. I did not interview Captain Ed, I do not really believe that he put the screws to a maple tree. Ed is a fine blogger, that indeed is worthy of his Captain title.

Crossposted at GCS

Jeremy interviews Crooks n Liars.... funny funny stuff

Posted by Jess at May 26, 2005 05:17 PM