Fried catfish would be a delacacy, the Allman Brothers would be considered folk heros, the surgeon general would prescribe chewing tobacco, nasal snuff and cigarettes as treatments for tooth aches, sinusitus, and asthma, our national symbol would be the opossum, cars would run on cotton, and state dinners would consist of fried okra, chicken fried steak, and for desert deep fried Snickers bars.
God damn Gettysburg.
TV blaring ESPN, Night clerk sleeping, ice machine gently buzzing occasionally dropping ice, blogger (Some might even go as far as to say the hero of this story)finds complimentary chocolate peanut butter cookies.
All is well in the world.
Julie tagged me with this, effing meme thingamajig that she got from Travis, and for some unknown reason I decided to start blogging again, so.... Here goes.
1. Here are the rules.
2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
3. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
4. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
5. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog
1. I hate olives. Seriously, I can not stand them. They are one of two foods in this world that I can't stand...
2. I am seriously addicted to Carl Hiaasen's and Christopher Moore's writing.
3. I live on a houseboat.
4. I am a romantic.
5. I not a morning person.
6. I believe that rationalization, justification, and masterbation are indeed the three ways that we fuck ourselves.
7. I voted for Bush in 2000.
8. I do not watch television at home. I do not even have cable. (Though I am a Blockbuster movie pass holder.)
There are so many more, yet... at times simple things like these seem to be not only apropos but also more revealing.
Hey, I could have just made things up like "I have a kielbasa in my pants."
I tag....
GTL
Stout Dem
Teacher Teach
Hellish Horses
English Lit Ken's Style
Pinchy Gringo
A Very Famous Blogger who's fame stretches as far as his cubicle wall
Tuning Spork kinda like spooning torque only well, different...
If you found this post in any way offensive, then... well I am, ah fuck it who am I kidding?
Me: "So uh, what do you eat?"
Hermit: "...."
Me: "What about your toilet paper? Do you burn it? I doubt that there is trash service out here...."
Hermit: "...."
Me: "...And what about human companionship? Don't you still have male desires and think of women and the like?"
Hermit: "..."
Me: "..."
Hermit: "Don't you ever shut the FUCK up? What do I eat? Jesus what the fuck do you think I eat? I eat fucking pussy, the god damn newspaper lady and I get together and well, you know.... Toilet paper? I burn it, you dumb son of a bitch."
Me: "There is a burn ban in effect right now you know? The newspaper lady is she a writer or a carrier?"
Hermit: "...."
Me: "I know why you live in a cave in Collbran Colorado my friend... You lack social skills."
Hermit: "To quote Chris Rock "This is my house if you don't like it get the fuck out!"
Me: "Have you ever read Carl Hiassen?"
Hermit: "I like Skink."
Me: "He is a good egg."
Sometimes the difference between daylight and darkness is merely as simple as removing the pleasently scented bandana that the Tijuana hooker left covering my eyes...