How 'Bout Them Apples?

From the Nascar track

Martinsville, VA - LOSLI News Network (LNN)

Mark Martin could not let Rusty Wallace's "Miller Lite Last Call" tour be the only farewell or retirement tour on the Nascar circuit. Martin and his sponsor Viagra announced today that they have named this, Martin's last season "The South Will Rise Again" tour.

Martin was quoted as saying "We are very excited about this. After that sniveling punk Wallace is through having his "Last Call" the south will still be rising."

Martin was spotted later that afternoon looking down into his racing suit, and shouting commands to a "General Lee." Martin was then heard mumbling to himself about he had to hold off the north or groupies until more reinforcements or viagra arrived.

When reached for comment Rusty Wallace stated that he hoped Martin had resolved his problems with the south rising "prematurely" and being squashed 30 seconds later, he then explained that he and Mrs. Mark Martin had been spending some "quality" time together, and during their recent weekend in Tuscaloosa Mrs. Martin had confided in him, the tale of Mark and how he came to be sponsored by Viagra. He also mentioned claw marks down his back, a chicken shed in Louisiana, and a Hyundai Sonata.

Wallace then asked if the LNN reporter was carrying any crack cocaine or pepto bismol.

With the recent studies linking Viagra and blindness the reason of Martin's retirement has become clear.