June 04, 2005

A LOSLI Interview with Jess of LOSLI

LOSLI: Not much to say lately or what?

Jess: Busy, busy, busy....

LOSLI: Yeah?

Jess: The thing about Texas is there are these things called "Chiggers" or "Red Bugs" I got into some. They burrow under your skin. I had to kill them. So I asked a native Texan how to get rid of them....

LOSLI: Right. Then what?

Jess: Well, they told me to bathe in bleach. Do you know how bad that hurts? Jesus man, I thought I was going to die. That prick told me to put in a gallon or so of clorox. You have never experienced pain until clorox hits your you knows...

LOSLI: Why didn't you just dab it on?

Jess: Hindsight is always 20-20.

LOSLI: What the hell? Are you some kind of a fucking moron?

Jess: Screw you and your all infinite fucking Clorox wisdom. You no blogging prick....

LOSLI: OK, do your thing there Clorox Kid.


LOSLI: Hey, uh you don't happen to have any bleach do you?


LOSLI: Come on now, I need some bleach.

Jess: Right.....

LOSLI: Because you know my balls are really feeling pretty good and I want to be a moron that puts them in a tub full of bleach, it must be some kind of right of passage from being an normal human being, to being a complete and utterly contempt fucking idiot.

It's official, I am fucking tired. Too tired to care if any of you get this.

Posted by Jess at June 4, 2005 11:08 PM

Unfuckingbelievable. Is this real? Or are you bullshitting us or what? I have to know.

Posted by: just james at June 5, 2005 12:16 AM


STILL not remembered over nyah. [/Cartman]

Anyway, a story:

One especially poor PW decided to make homemade salsa for Christmas gifts.

I was going to make a large batch at once and bottle them with custom labels. I wanted something exceptional and memorable, so I went with a recipe that included habaneros, the hottest peppers on the planet. Taking great pains to get it right I roasted them first, and them peeled the loosened skins off. This process was excruciating, as the fumes from these peppers would burn your eyes at a 15-foot radius.

Anyway . . .

I had to pee.

I did not wash my hands first.

The labels I printed for my finished salsa sported the perfect name, reflecting my experience: Balls of Fire.

Posted by: pusillanimous wanker at June 5, 2005 02:50 PM

I just hope the salsa didn't have a "nutty" flavor.
...Sorry, couldn't help myself.

I think the worst thing that ever happened to me was some chick gave me a yeast infection, just at the tip. It burned to pee for a good month.

Posted by: Jeremy at June 5, 2005 09:00 PM

uh, bleach/balls.... BEACHBALLS? Nice one.

Oh, Charlie! auugg...

Jeremy... my oh my, way to pick 'em, kid!

I'm home with the flu from hell.

Posted by: JulieB at June 7, 2005 06:11 PM
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