How 'Bout Them Apples?

Boys night out meets girls night out X1

Tonight I went out with some buddies of mine after a day of hard work on the golf course. As we sat at our table a group of ladies walked in and sat at the table next to us. After a couple of bourbons I decided that I would talk to them.

The following are the two conversations that I was involved in between the two tables.

Me: "Hi I am Jess."

Girl #1: "Yeah, that is nice."

Me: "Do you have a name?"

Girl #2: "Her name is Jamie. She is a bitch."

Me: "And your name is?"

Girl #3: "Her name is Porsche."

Me: "Is her fat friend Yugo?"

Girl #2: "Actually I am Holly."

Girl #3: "I am married."

Me: "I am not. My future wife has been very lax about getting ahold of me. She does not write, she doesn't call. To tell you the truth I have not even met her yet. Oh well."

Holly: "OK, Jess.... I have to ask. We have been talking about men."

Me: "Yes."

Holly: (Blushing slightly) "Boxers or briefs?"

Me: "Boxers."

Holly: "I prefer boxers personally."

Me: "Thong or grannies?"

Holly: "V-string."

Girl #4: "Commando."

Jamie: "Whore."

Holly: "You have pretty eyes Jess..."

My buddy #1: (from my original table) "Watch him, he likes Holly."

Me: (To my buddy) "She has a great bone structure."

Holly: "Jess, forget about them. Focus. Look at me."

Me: "Yes ma'am."

Holly: "Smile sweetie. You are the only guy at a table full of hot girls."

Me: "I know, you all are hotter than a Phoenix sidewalk in July. Well except for Jamie she is more like Vegas. She will pull you in and play with you for awhile. But there really is no way to win. Especially when you make wise ass comments, like I always do."

My buddy #2: (To buddy #1) "That (Holly) is his achilles heal Latina Women with cute smiles, and tattoos showing just enough to capture his interest."

Me: (To my table) "What do I owe you guys? Here is forty."

Buddy #2 "On me Jess, How about an introduction to your new friends."

Jamie: "I am not a friend of his."

My buddy: "I am Mikey"

Jamie: "Are you nicer than him?

Mikey: "Yes."

Me: (To Holly) "I am nice."

Jamie: "Maybe, but you are not funny."

Holly: "I think he is."

Jamie: "Mikey tell me about you."

Me: "Holly..."

Holly: "Oh Jess, to hell with them."

Posted by Jess at October 30, 2005 12:49 AM | TrackBack