December 31, 2005

Brokeback Mountain (Heartbreak Ridge) Review

I went to see Brokeback Mountain with Stevens and Huckabee last night down at the Happy Parrot Nightclub and Movie Theatre. I should have known that something had gone terribly array when I walked in to this place and was greeted by a 300 pound bald man wearing an outfit made of what appeared to be fruit roll ups. Stevens and Huckabee each grabbed a piece of that fella's outfit which I might add was small for his size anyway and proceeded to feed each other. We made our past a couple of lipstick lesbians that I believe that within 5 minutes of our meeting I could have brought them over to my side of the fence. Anyway, we purchased our popcorn to shareand got seated.

I heard Huckabee who was sitting in the middle between Stevens and I open up his pocket knife. I then heard him cutting on something. I told him that the theatre and I were going to sue him if he caused any damage to the seats or me.

The previews were mostly for lesbo porn. I did not mind that. The movie started, and I realized that it was a western. Immediately I got excited. I heard Stevens whispering in Huckabee's ear about the foreman's plugs. I hope that they are not worried about plugs when work ended hours before, but a little dedication never hurt any one. Especially when they work for me.

About halfway through the movie I realized, that these cowboys were playing for the "pink team" so to speak. I wondered if the movie had cast some sort of voodoo over the boys, I looked over and saw Stevens kiss Huckabee, this was just too much for me to take. I reached, grabbed one last handful of popcorn and got a hold of something other than popcorn.

Huckabee had cut a hole in the bottom of the tub and placed his manhood through there. I grabbed Huckabee's manhood. Oh shit.

I dropped the popcorn and his manhood and ran. I went to the washroom and encountered two of my labors Jones and Rodriguez holding hands as I passed them. I scrubbed my hand for a good five minutes.

Never finished it but I give it 3 hammers out of 5. I mean the cinematography was exceptional. Don't go see it though, cuz if you make the whole movie in the theatre, well consequenses will arise. You will turn into a princess like that fat girl who drives the Audi down the block thinks she is. And that my friends is no way to be.

I have since filed litigation with the courts, to sue the Gay Parrot as well as Stevens. I would sue Huckabee but, I don't want to go near him. Bad memories there.

Posted by SteveBozell at December 31, 2005 01:21 PM | TrackBack

Awww, poor Steve! How shocking that they played the popcorn trick on you!! tsk tsk.
Movie is playing up the road from me. We'll go see it next weekend - this weekend, with the rain pouring down, people are paying $7.50 just to get away from their families for a few hours....

Posted by: JulieB at January 1, 2006 02:15 PM
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