November 30, 2005

"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round."

Is my favorite Ben Hogan quote. Why? It just works.
(Unless you believe in reincarnation, in which case, well the quote is just plain inaccurate.)

I am glad to have returned. I have missed commenting on stuff that makes me shake my head.

I will talk about that kind of thing in a minute. Right now I must urge everyone to go vote for my buddy Samantha Burns in the CBA's for best humour blog and best personal blog. I am still trying to blogroll her, but am having some issues with bloglines. I will eventually get it done, with a little help from my webmaster.

A citizen journalist reports on Natalee Holloway amongst other things. Heather littered. Shame shame shame everyone knows your name. Another observation about Heather's CSI Girl on Horse Hell is that she appears to have a camel toe. (I have spent hours staring at that picture.) In case any of you were wondering I still look at Mariska Hargitay with a distant look of longing in my eyes.... The answer is yes and a tingling in my pants.

I get the feeling that the idiot that stocked a Hurricane Katrina display in a Louisiana mall is about as unemployed as a person can get. If you are in Lincoln you can tell that it is begining to look a lot like Christmas.

A true competitor, I guess one can say that he died doing what he luged....

600 Pounds of Plutonium missing. Department of Homeland Security collectively shits pants. CIA Director: Bin Laden and Zarqawi have not been found "primarily because they don't want us to find them"

Creative people get laid more.... I need to work on that. Freaking hilarious. Via Rook

Oh, and I must say that the hottest convience store clerk in the world was spotted tonight during a cigarette stop.

Paging Mr. Dumbass... Please check your cartridges at the door. Woman gets burned on lips by hot popper at Pizza Hut. Husband sues for loss of blowjobs, can you blame him?

Charlie and Scott should heed this warning from the Arkansas Highway Patrol. WATCH THE COWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get naked, fire la pistola at the passing cars... A formula for a succesful night in Tennessee.

Posted by Jess at 09:39 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

November 27, 2005

Fun blog and news reads

Interesting exchange between Ann Althouse Vs. John Cole and Jeff Goldstein

Avedon shows us this bra of the week. I am a fan of this one fo shizzel.

Cookie Jill shows us how to rewrite history, Republican style.

To: Jess,
From: All the Women of Your Past.

Fucked up. That is all I can say.

Nice Shirt Fred Funk. Pink accentuates your eyes. (Seriously, pink is not that bad I have several shirts in that color.)

Depeche Mode singer has some 'splainin to do about his taint piercing. (Not a visual you need.)

Hero who commandeered school bus booked into jail for selling heroin. Damn shame. 'Nuff said.

It would scare me too.

Posted by Jess at 07:07 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

November 26, 2005

Random Law and Order SVU Thoughts

That Mariska Hargitay is freaking hot. I wonder if she likes bloggers.

Ex-girlfriend seemed to read my mind. She slapped me, my face is still freaking stinging.


Ouch that really did freaking hurt.

Posted by Jess at 06:43 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Signs that you are getting older...

6:00 PM
Cell phone rings, caller ID says it is one of my ex-girlfriends. I pick it up. The following conversation ensues.

Me: "...Hello."

Her: "...What are you doing baby?"

Me: "...Nada nada."

Her: "...Do you have any plans for tonight?"

Me: "...Well, Law and Order SVU is coming on momentarily."

Her: "...Wanna go have a drink?"

Me: "... Tonight is back to back Law and Order SVUs."

Her: "... If I bring popcorn can I watch with you?"

Me: "...Yeah. God I feel like an old man. Turning down perfectly good booze to stay at home and watch crime dramas."

Her: "...It's cute. Weird but cute."

Me: "... K, gotta go it's starting."

6:15 PM

Her: "... So...."

Me: "...Shh. We can talk during commercials."

Her: "...Amazing."

Me: "...Love you too sweetie."

Her: "...Uh...."

Me: "Commercials are coming."

Her: "...I do love you a lot, sweetie."

Me: "...Great show, thanks for the popcorn."

Her: "...You are a piece of work."

Me: "... Most call me a piece of something else."

C. says that when I blog like this it is fun. When I care too much the blogging isn't fun. That girl may be onto something. Oh and now she felt sorry for me and is doing my dishes.

A wonderful SVU. I must say... Wonderful, amazing how they always manage to tie up all the lose ends in 43 minutes.

Posted by Jess at 06:33 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

Dear Santa,

Can I pleeze have a new v-string, two diamond rings, and a brain?

Hugs and Kisses

Unlikely* Highly, highly unlikely.

Posted by Jess at 03:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Friday Random Ten (A day late)

I have these and a few others on my MP3 player this morning.

1. Wait (Remix) - Ying Yang Twins
2. Heaven - Los Lonely Boys
3. When I'm Gone - Eminem
4. Photograph - Nickelback
5. A Kiss Before I Go - Ryan Adams and The Cardinals
6. All the Girls I've Loved Before - Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias
7. Dreams - The Game
8. Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
9. Friend of the Devil - Grateful Dead
10. I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry - Keb Mo

Hope you all had a good "Black Friday" or in Luis' case "Black Diamond Friday."

Posted by Jess at 11:03 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Saturday quickie
No, this is not a photoshop. Double entrada? Yes. Photoshop? No.
Picture courtesy of Plutonium Page Posting at Daily Kos.

Luis has an idea on the minimum wage that makes sense.

A great read. 'Nuff said.

Another good read. Check it out.

A quick conversation with a clerk that I had.
Me: "... Oh the injustice."

Clerk: "... Injustice?"

Me: "... Yes. I ate turkey yesterday..."

Clerk: "... Are you some kind of wacko that thinks that tofurkey ought to be served?"

Me: "...."

Clerk: "... Some sort of Peta idiot?"


Clerk: "... I love turkey. I hate wackos."

Me: "... The injustice I was speaking of was that I forgot to put gravy on my turkey."

Clerk: "... You let me get excited over gravy?"


Clerk: "... Just the newspaper?"

Me: "... Yup."

Clerk: "... I doubt that you will read about you not having gravy for your fucking turkey in there."

Me: "... You really have some anger issues."

Clerk: "... Fuck you."

Have a great Saturday. I am on my way to the gym.

Posted by Jess at 10:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Your Thoughts

U.S. Invades Syria?

DEBKAfile Exclusive: Syria claims US forces suffered 11 casualties in a Syrian-US clash Thursday night, Nov.24 – without clarifying whether they meant dead or wounded
November 25, 2005, 5:14 PM (GMT+02:00)
Internal Syrian communications channels report Syrian “Desert Guards” border units fought US Marines who crossed into Syria at a point west of alQaim. They also claimed 30 Syrian casualties.

Is this the beginning of the next phase of Cheney's war? Scary eh?

Posted by Jess at 12:38 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 25, 2005

Conversations with Pears (The return of talking fruit)

Me: "... How've you been?"

Pear: "...."

Me: "... Fine then, don't talk to me."

Pear: "... What, you think you can just come home after three or four weeks and expect me to welcome you back. You never wrote, you never called. How am I supposed to react? Did you expect me to be awaiting you with roses and open arms?"

Me: "... You sound like a freaking woman I used to date."

Pear: "... I have feelings too, gawd damn it."

Me: "... Makes me want to send you to the smoothie maker. I crave a pear smoothie."

Pear smoothies are phenomenal. I just had one. Mmm mmm good.

Posted by Jess at 04:27 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Pre-interview Post

Starting in the very near future LOSLI will be interviewing two bloggers in a debate type format. What is so special abouth this? Both are Military veterans one Marine one Army, both have very different views on the state of the world today. One is on the left side of the political spectrum, the other on the right. Will we find common ground? Will we have an intelligent discussion? Yes, I believe so. The format for which this interview will take place will be that I will e-mail both participants with a question await the response, post the responses, and allow time for rebuttals. This should be fun. I would like to introduce you to our two victims for lack of a better term.

Daisy Cutter
Travis from Rainstorm

A preview of the first question.
Q: You both are military veterans. Tell us a little bit about your time in the service and how it has helped shape your political beliefs to this day. (Or something similar to that, I am still working on the exact wording.)

(Actual Question)
Q: You both are military veterans. Tell us a little bit about your time in the service and how it has helped shape who you are to this day. Politically, spiritually, or any other way that it has effected you.

Posted by Jess at 11:59 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

November 24, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving (Broncos Win!!!!)


Well my friends it is the time of year when must watch football, stuff ourselves, and be thankful for all of the people, places, and things that make us who we are.

DC says it nicely, I wonder if he will accept my challenge.

Rook is cooking

14-14 Broncos and Cowboys tied. (4:16 pm Mountain time)

Cowboys with ball. God I hate the fucking Cowboys.

Update 2-
Denver finally getting moving. 21-14 Denver on a td run by Denver.

Update 3-

Update 4 -
21-21 at the two minute warning.

Update 5 -
Ironic (Inventor of stovetop stuffing dies) Via

Update 6-
We are going to overtime (5:40pm Mountain time)

Update 7-
Ron Dayne just broke one open to the Dallas 6. (A 55 yard run.) Elam to attempt field goal. 24 yarder is up and good. Denver wins 24 - 21. Yes my friends today is a good day. (Ron who?)

Update 8-
WTF? This should not be online. View Drivers licenses here. H/T Teach.

Update 9 -
Because he was so succesful in the public sector..... Jesus, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Update 10 -
Wow. We report you decide. But, you must agree if true... well you tell me.

Turkey wishes and Red Zen Dreams. Happy Thanksgiving.


Posted by Jess at 04:17 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

November 23, 2005

Don't forget to water my fake plants...

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
~Theodor Seuss Geisel

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I’ll say it clear,
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.

I’ve lived a life that’s full.
I’ve traveled each and ev’ry highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I’ve had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried.
I’ve had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

Frank Sinatra - My Way

Alas, my friends I have suspended all posts for a while to work on my golf swing, and relationships with good looking latina women. l well, uh... you know am enjoying all the activities that Dr. Dobson hates I will have fun, drink whiskey, eat well, enjoy maid service daily in my voyage, and spend some quality time on the road and in airports. I must say that being in areas where the weather is at least 85 degrees in November is not as bad as people make it out to be.

Anyone know any decent looking girls in Phoenix?

Hit me up.


Posted by Jess at 10:05 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack

November 09, 2005


I have had great success in my work life. I am not bragging, I am just saying, I have had great luck. I have worked with some of the greatest minds in the industry that I am in. I have done a lot of things that people did not think were possible for me.

But, tonight I feel disapointment. Not at work.... but at the talent at the Tucson, AZ Strip clubs. I mean we are 65 miles from Mexico. Christ, bring me some hot senoritas. Finding fat blondies in Tucson strip clubs are like finding a wine bar in Kentucky when you are looking for bourbon bar.

And be well.

Whiskey wishes and Quesadilla Dreams


I love strippers, but well, uh... Not too much. I always preferred waitresses.

Posted by Jess at 12:13 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack