December 31, 2005

Brokeback Mountain (Heartbreak Ridge) Review

I went to see Brokeback Mountain with Stevens and Huckabee last night down at the Happy Parrot Nightclub and Movie Theatre. I should have known that something had gone terribly array when I walked in to this place and was greeted by a 300 pound bald man wearing an outfit made of what appeared to be fruit roll ups. Stevens and Huckabee each grabbed a piece of that fella's outfit which I might add was small for his size anyway and proceeded to feed each other. We made our past a couple of lipstick lesbians that I believe that within 5 minutes of our meeting I could have brought them over to my side of the fence. Anyway, we purchased our popcorn to shareand got seated.

I heard Huckabee who was sitting in the middle between Stevens and I open up his pocket knife. I then heard him cutting on something. I told him that the theatre and I were going to sue him if he caused any damage to the seats or me.

The previews were mostly for lesbo porn. I did not mind that. The movie started, and I realized that it was a western. Immediately I got excited. I heard Stevens whispering in Huckabee's ear about the foreman's plugs. I hope that they are not worried about plugs when work ended hours before, but a little dedication never hurt any one. Especially when they work for me.

About halfway through the movie I realized, that these cowboys were playing for the "pink team" so to speak. I wondered if the movie had cast some sort of voodoo over the boys, I looked over and saw Stevens kiss Huckabee, this was just too much for me to take. I reached, grabbed one last handful of popcorn and got a hold of something other than popcorn.

Huckabee had cut a hole in the bottom of the tub and placed his manhood through there. I grabbed Huckabee's manhood. Oh shit.

I dropped the popcorn and his manhood and ran. I went to the washroom and encountered two of my labors Jones and Rodriguez holding hands as I passed them. I scrubbed my hand for a good five minutes.

Never finished it but I give it 3 hammers out of 5. I mean the cinematography was exceptional. Don't go see it though, cuz if you make the whole movie in the theatre, well consequenses will arise. You will turn into a princess like that fat girl who drives the Audi down the block thinks she is. And that my friends is no way to be.

I have since filed litigation with the courts, to sue the Gay Parrot as well as Stevens. I would sue Huckabee but, I don't want to go near him. Bad memories there.

Posted by SteveBozell at 01:21 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

A bit damp here

Big storm came through last night. About 4 am this morning the water was up to the front steps. I always wanted lakefront property!

**********UPDATE by Jess:**************
Julie is real time flood blogging here, here, here, and here. Well worth looking at. I hope the grapes for the wine are not messed up otherwise you will see one pissed off nation.

Posted by julieb at 10:43 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 30, 2005

I'm still away....

My return to regular blogging will be Tuesday. In the interim, I would like to thank my guest hosts for taking care of the place. Though, Bozell is a bit well uh... You have seen.

Links to Guest Bloggers sites
Julie with a B
Of Horses and Hell

Posted by Jess at 02:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 29, 2005

Stevens and Huckabee

Stevens and Huckabee are two of my foremen. As you all know I own a construction contractor in Corona, CA. Last Sunday during their holiday after Christmas Stevens and Huckabee went to see an evening flick. They like me are cowboys. So naturally they went to see the latest western to come out. It is called Heart Break Ridge or something like that. Ever since that day they have been acting strange.

Today, I went to the Peterson remodel where Stevens is over-seeing the cabinets and Huckaby is in charge of the bathrooms, I found Stevens giving Huckabee a neck massage. I asked them what was wrong. They told me that they were now in.... Well then they asked me to join them for a three way. I told them that I would not pay the extras in phone charges that always come with using that type of features in local phone services and that we could talk in person if we had anything to say.

They told me that I needed to switch teams. I told them that I had given up sports with my bum knee five years ago. They sure are acting strange. I hope that Heart Break Ridge is not sending the wrong signals to construction workers throughout the world. I will report back with a review soon. As long as Dumbass lets me keep posting here.

I am Steve Bozell, like what I write or I'll sue you. Oh, and just in case any of you were wondering I am wearing my duster today only because there is a chill in the air. Not because I am trying to compensate for... anything.

This blogging thing is better than talking on the C.B. radio using my base station. I have spent all night for the past two nights doing one, the other or a combination there of. I really am into this whole blogging thing. I think I may have to set up the Steve Bozell blog. This is going to be so good. I would stay here and share my thoughts with the world but, well, you all know that I am too good of a blogger to stay here for long. Besides Jess is a jackball. I called his cell phone this morning, and he was too busy getting a non fat latte or some shit. He was talking to the girl at the coffee shop. What a jackball. I drink my folgers for about nine cents a cup. I oft times drink it in my boots, spurs, hat, and nothing else. I would live to see him go to a coffee shop nude. He did not have time to talk to me, he said he would call me back. I'm still waiting. Ha ha. Boo yah Bitches. The Bozell Blog will kick major scrumdiddly umptious rump. Any suggestions on where and how to get started? My e-mail if any of you want to talk directly is

I just read this fella called The General. I like his politics. His wrestling infatuation kind of scares me but all's well. This fella seems pretty good too and he is even in L.A.

Posted by SteveBozell at 09:04 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

From my email:

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb, went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention of wrapping paper.
If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so:
"And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.
One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."
The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift.
"No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."
I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck
of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.)
If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.
On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.
My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:
* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack.
* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:
YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
YOU: I also got you some myrrh.
In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

Posted by julieb at 01:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 28, 2005

I think I am going to have to leave my wife April or May or whatever her name is.

trailerpark girls.jpg

Just for a bit, the intercourse should not take more than 27 seconds. That is my record at least. We have a lot in common, well at least Budweiser.

Here is a link to their website. I went to see my foreman in a trailer park that he lives in. I personally have a house in the hills outside of Corona, CA. My house has a stream running through the back yard. Maybe I could go down and see them for a little threesome plus one action in the trailer park for a little afternoon delight. I'm so horny that I would probably poke a bush if I thought there was a rabbit in it. That whole brokeback mountain thing makes a brother want to poke someone of the opposite sex. I just want to prove my manhood to everyone. God, they make me have carnal thoughts.

Posted by SteveBozell at 03:53 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 27, 2005

10 Worst Americans Ever

In response to Jeff Goldstein's list of the ten worst Americans ever. In which he is responding to a historians list of the ten worst Britons in the last 1000 years . The original challenge came from All Things Beautiful. I just did the first ten that came to mind... I suppose it could have been a better list if I would have put some thought in it.

10. Neil Gr**n - Caught "horse racing" on the back of a bus on the way back from a Jr. High football game. Incidentally he did win. Though the team did lose but, hey a guy needs a pick me up after losing, I guess. (Horse racing is where two males unzip their pants and jerk off to see who can cum first. The winner gets bragging rights and a well fondness for other male penises that lasts long after the horse race is over.)

9. Devon Cl**rk - Neil's worthy opponent in the "horse race." I think he is a worse American because he well uh lost....

8. Dean Pa**ick - The adult male next door neighbor of me while I was growing up. He owned a security company and found nothing more amusing than driving his 1960's security cruiser around the neighbor and spotlighting as we played hide and seek. He would also turn his lights and sirens on around ten PM while driving around the block letting the kids know that though he had been fired from the police force he still had the power to place us under "citizen's arrest "and he would gladly exercise it upon any ten year old that stepped a foot out of line.

7. Scooter Libby - Because well uh you know outing a CIA agent is still a bad thing regardless of how it is spun.

6. Neil Cavuto - He just rubs me wrong. Not literally, well there was that one time at the local Fox affiliate but, well he said he just bumped into me, but well it was several times then he ried to hold my hand. All in all a weird night.

5. Mrs. S***ers - My kindergarten teacher. The bitch cut nap time short by five minutes in March of '84 and I have yet to forgive her.

4. My neighbor now. I am not sure of her last name her first is Kathy. She puts up a nice facade that she is a sweet innocent 79 year old social security recipient but behind her cross stitching and cookie baking I believe sinister things are happening. I hear the sleeper cell theme every time she smiles and yells "Jess want some cookies?" I just know they are laced with anthrax.

3. Capitol One - Those fuckers with their variable interest rates.

2. State Trooper Oreolt - * - He stopped me and gave me a ticket for following too closely when the Jackass in the left lane was going under the speed limit in Debeque Canyon. Though he was later demoted for propositioning a married woman in a traffic stop during country jam, then resigned the state patrol but he still ranks high in my list of pricks.

1. Captain Kangaroo
Pee Wee Herman - I needn't even begin to tell you guys how bad that fucker is for this great nation.

Though I am going to make this into a meme. I tag Julie, Avedon, and this is officially interview question 3 for Travis and DC.

Yes, I am still on blog vacation.... So ha.

Posted by Jess at 09:02 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Now MY favorite pin-up


Posted by julieb at 08:05 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

December 26, 2005

It's Boxing Day (St. Stephen (Steven) Bozell's Day)

Boxing Day.jpg

Oh yeah baby. I would get in the ring, on any boxing day she wanted.

I posted this picture for Jess, because everybody knows he likes the girls that, well, uh, you know language barrier type situations.

I'm Steve Bozell, and I am trying to straighten up my son Steve Jr. up. I think we will have some bonding time this afternoon, he mentioned something about he and I going to a catch a matinee. Something about cowboys in the mountains. I think it was Big Blue Back Mesa or something like it.

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December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas Bitches!!!!!!!!!!


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December 24, 2005

See Heather...

See Heather...

See Heather bitch...



Oh yeah, hi guys! Hope you're having a great time getting boozed and laid and shit over the holidays.

Happy Holidays!

P.S. Jess, e-mail me. K? THNX.

Posted by Vegasvixen at 09:40 PM | Comments (15) | TrackBack

I'm suing Fruit of the Loom


I was watching the Raiders game on CBS with my 12 year old son Steve Jr. when the "Fruit Guys" came on television. Immediately I noticed Steve Jr. was acting strange. He started lisping, and saying things like "Hutchens wants my sess." I was lost. Then I realized, Steve Jr. had been turned into a fruit by the fruit guys. He obviously had been confused by the "Fruit Guys." I do not know why he said that Hutchens wanted to sess him, unless it was due to the "Fruits." I turned on my latest Garth Brooks CD which I got at Wal-Mart trying to straiten him up but to no avail.

Posted by SteveBozell at 05:38 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

The war on X-Mas

We at LOSLI are working hard at putting the X back in X-Mas.

Merry X-Mas everyone. This time I really am not going to post anything else, so Steve, Julie, Ken, and Heather it's all yours. I hear a blackjack table calling me.... Oh wait that may be a black hooker named Jackie.... Regardless, have fun kids. My guest bloggers will entertain you I am sure.

Posted by Jess at 02:44 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

Could it be?

JC Christian and Jonathan Christian Webster are the same man?


1. They both seem to hate the French. The General hates frenchmen, Webster hates french poodles and cats.

2. The General posts mostly late at night or super early in the morning. The same time frame that Webster is calling into Coast to Coast AM.

3. They both feel that women need to be put in their place.

4. Webster believes that he is God's Ten Star General. Jesus' General is pretty self explanatory.

5. Football is a homosexual sport according to Webster. Wrestling is according to the General.

6. Both of their compounds are in the Northwest.

7. Both of them believe that the U.S. has been ponografied.

This is just an observation that I made.

Posted by Jess at 12:38 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

If life were fair

I am sitting here enjoying skipping some rocks across my creek. I am new to this blogging thing. So, I am not sure what to write. I am a contractor. My home is in Corona, CA. I got into the eggnog last night. I tried to bang Mrs. Bozell last night and she said no. I am so emotionally distressed about this that I have decided to sue her for damages to my emotional well being. I think I have a hell of a case. Well. For now I must go and try to bang Hutchen's wife. She smiled seductively at me in her pink robe and curlers as she was getting her newspaper. If she does not give it up, I will be in the judges chambers by tonight.

Posted by SteveBozell at 11:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 23, 2005

I'm Steve Bozell

I am your average man. I try to eak out an existense I live in Corona, CA. My wife and I have been involved in quite a bit of litigation over the years. I am a regular on The Phil Hendrie Show. He gives me a place to get my message out. Jess e-mailed me a week or so ago and asked me to keep you all entertained while he is off with strippers, slots, blackjack, and hookers in Vegas. I feel as though I have been persecuted by this society. I am a martyr. I am a christian I have been thrown to the lions.

My latest little bit of litigation involves people taking the CHRIST out of CHRISTmas. My attorneys think I have a good shot at this one.

My neighbor Hutchens saw me dressed as Joseph the father of Jesus when I was leaving to go to our church's CHRISTmas pageant. He yelled, "hey look it's king Tut." That drained me so much emotionally that I cried. Later that night I dropped off the kids(Shit) on Hutchen's elf display. I am suing Hutchen's for persecution of my religous beliefs. I later called Hutchen's daughter and let her know that she was adopted.

Here is an example of how they are trying to persecute me.

Posted by SteveBozell at 07:03 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 22, 2005

More bad poetry

If you see......

If you see a fat man
Who's jolly and cute,
wearing a beard
and a red flannel suit,

and if he is chuckling
and laughing away,
while flying around
in a miniature sleigh

with eight tiny reindeer
to pull him along,
then lets face it...

Your eggnog's too strong!

(errrr... or not strong enough.....)

Posted by julieb at 10:52 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

The Interview X2

A while back I contacted two bloggers, two military veterans, one from the left side of the political spectrum, one from the right, one was a marine lawyer, one jumped out of airplanes in the army, these two men agreed to answer some of my questions. Question 1 is here. These are their answers unedited, raw, and real. Please enjoy.

The Iraq question.

On March 20, 2003 did you feel as though we were entering into a necessary conflict? On December 1, 2005 do you still feel the same way. If you were Commander in Chief what would be your plan of execution to end this conflict.

Buzzwords - To ponder

Iraq / Al Quaeda
Stay the Course
Troop Withdrawal
Slam Dunk
Terrorist Regime
Body Armor
Abu Ghraib
Justified War

Daisy Cutter the conservative side of this debate answered the preceding question below.

On March 20, 2003, did I believe we were entering into a necessary conflict? Absolutely. And I think it would have been irresponsible, in light of the evidence and history, to NOT take down Saddam's Iraq.

Less than a year-and-a-half after 9/11, we were still being run in circles by Saddam Hussein. Why wouldn't he allow weapons inspectors to do their jobs? The whole world had agreed for many years that he possessed weapons of mass destruction. At home, politicians of both American political parties agreed on this point. Again, this was a national consensus held for many years. In fact, I think this is why Pres. Clinton ostensibly sent in his air strikes in 1998 ... unless one believes he did it to deflect attention from his legal troubles.

But the analysis of war with Iraq involved and involves more fundamental changes in America's relationship to the world. In the wake of 9/11, America could not afford to wait for the next attack. The country would not permit it. Nor should the country permit it. The risks were and remain too great, and a saber-rattling dictator in the Middle East could not be tolerated. And we knew that Saddam not only would rattle the saber but that he would, from time to time, attack both his own people (with chemical weapons, no less) and his neighbors.

As should have been painfully obvious to all concerned, Militant Islamists had declared war on us as of the start of the Iraq War... actually, they had done so long prior to 9/11. Although the WH speaks in politically correct terms about the threat posed by Militant Islam, I think they realized what was going on. To say that there is no "operational connection" between Iraq and the jihadis who planned and carried out 9/11 is to miss the point. The point is: The conflict with Iraq arose in the context of a larger war with Militant Islam.

In my view, I think that most people who oppose the Iraq War either fail to understand the larger war with Militant Islamists or they are not on America's side in this war.

On Saddam's connections to terror, this we know: He harbored terrorists ... i.e., Leon Klinghoffer's murderer, Ansar al-Islam, he paid for suicide bombers to attack Israel. He was a source of instability in the region for many years. (If you don't want to take my "word" for it, read a good liberal like Christopher Hitchens) And ... to say we should have dealt with him sooner is to say what? That the Clinton Administration was negligent? To say that we couldn't do more than had been done is to prove the ineffectiveness of the U.N., is it not?

Do I still support the war? Before getting to my answer, let me first look at this question and then describe a bit of my disappointment with the Bush Administration. What most people are asking when they ask this question is: Since we haven't found WMD and we have lost more than 2,000 troops, was it worth it? Well, like many, I was surprised that we didn't find more evidence of WMDs. We certainly found some, but not what virtually all (including the French and Russians) expected. I will note here, too, that the failure to find large stockpiles of WMD raises still other questions for me, such as: Since we know Saddam had them ... where are they? And how could the world have been so wrong? How do we make sure our intelligence capabilities are what they need to be?

The Leftists who continue to argue that the Administration lied or manipulated intelligence are themselves lying. We know that, in fact, the PBDs that Pres. Bush was receiving painted an even darker picture in Iraq than the intelligence reports given to Congress. And the Brits incidentally still stand by their Niger report.

However, I do think the Bush Administration probably didn't fully anticipate all of the difficulties we would encounter in a post-Saddam Iraq. For sure, they failed to make the case early on (except in trite platitudes) regarding the difficulties ahead and also the importance of a stable Iraq that could defend itself from the jihadi threat. This is a great frustration for me, as I believe much can and should be said to rally public support in the larger struggle against Militant Islamists.

Here is my punch line, though: Taking down Saddam remains just as right today as it was on March 20, 2003. The world is better off, and we have seen the ripple effects in Lebanon, Libya, and throughout the region. To say America is making a positive difference in Iraq is hardly some fringe right-wing position ... unless you consider people like Joe Lieberman, Christopher Hitchens, and Ed Koch to be fringe right-wingers. Whether democracy will ultimately work there remains to be seen, but it is important that the Iraqi government is not a source of instability and anti-American hatred.

Note, too, that Hillary is uncomfortable with what the Demo base is demanding -- immediate withdrawal. How come? What does she know about the American public and the war that the Demo base fails to grasp?

Another important aspect to the war ... In Iraq we are delivering an important message to the jihadis in the country and elsewhere: We won't wait for you to come after us any more. We will find you. We will do what we say we will do, including the dirty work of clearing jihadis house to house. It is hard to overstate the importance of confronting and proving wrong the jihadi template that Americans are soft, weak infidels. Let's face it: These are evil people we are fighting, and they want to expand their influence and control. Their ignorance of America and the modern world is breathtaking. For instance, the jihadis selectively recall the Somalia experience as an example of American vacillation and weakness. America has been shattering this template over the last three years.

On criticizing the war ... If I didn't support the war effort, I wouldn't be saying much about it. Why? It's hard to know the point ... I mean, what is the idea? It looks like the Left just wants to use the war as a vehicle for political gain, and in particular to damage Pres. Bush. And to those who loudly argue that our troops' mission is based on a lie and is accomplishing no good purpose ... what the hell is the purpose of such rhetoric? It sounds treasonous and it emboldens the enemy. And such arguments have a tangible, negative effect on our troops. This is why they overwhelmingly want the American people to be behind what they are doing, that is, to support their mission. Wars are won with young troops whose morale and esprit de corps are critical to their success. The time for debating whether we should be involved in military action in Iraq ended when the enemy started putting bullets down range. Sure, people have a right to speak. And I do, too. And I will remind them that their words and actions are increasing the likelihood that young Americans will get killed. Intentions are irrelevant here. Words and actions have consequences.

When you have to check to see if a statement was made by Kennedy or Zarqawi, you know we have a problem.

I do think it's appropriate to debate and discuss how we achieve the biggest, swiftest, and most complete victory. But how come the Left doesn't want to discuss this, though? How come, Jess, the questions are always something like yours: "Do you support the war?" ... "Should we get out?" I think such a view is defeatist and irresponsible. Almost all of our troops in Iraq agree, as well. Unlike me, a former military guy whose thoughts are no more worthy of consideration than any one's on this subject, I do think the views of the men kicking in the doors in Iraq is very relevant as to how polticians are affecting their morale.

It seems funny to me, too, that people want to elevate the opinions of former military types like Murtha, Kerry, and McCain to "super opinion" status, but they won't listen to the troops who are actually engaged in battle. What gives? The troops in battle disagree with the Left, that's what.

One more point/question about military status: What difference does it make that I am former member of the military? The foregoing opinions draw upon my experiences to a degree, and thus have some credibility to this extent. But I don't believe that my service entitles me to some "super opinion" status. This is a mistake that the Left routinely makes now, I think, because they can't substantively defend their position. People such as Kerry, Murtha, and even McCain are afforded 'untouchable" status simply because of their service. This is wrong. Opinions should stand on their own. McCain, Murtha, Kerry, et al., have no idea of what needs to be done on the ground in Iraq. Their confident pronouncements of various battle plans (all of which are different, interestingly enough) proves my point. I trust the field commanders. They have all the information, and the expertise.

You asked me what I would do as commander-in-chief. As for the actual fighting of the war, this is a matter to be left to the commanders on the ground. At home, though, I would make the case every day about what is at stake and how we are fighting Militant Islamists. I would highlight their atrocities (which are legion) and our military successes. I would also pressure the Muslim world to take a firm stand against Zarqawi, al Qaeda, et al. The stakes, the reality of the situation in Iraq, and the tangible progress need to be discussed and explained to people much more effectively. This is the one thing in particular I would like to see the Bush Adminstration do much better.

When the American people are unified, we always win ... and big.

The Iraq question.

On March 20, 2003 did you feel as though we were entering into a necessary conflict? On December 1, 2005 do you still feel the same way. If you were Commander in Chief what would be your plan of execution to end this conflict.

Buzzwords - To ponder

Iraq / Al Quaeda
Stay the Course
Troop Withdrawal
Slam Dunk
Terrorist Regime
Body Armor
Abu Ghraib
Justified War

Travis from Rainstorm the Progressive side of this debate answered the preceding question below.

Four things came together to take America to war in Iraq. Think of it as the Perfect Storm of bad decisions.

First, there were the Iraqi expatriates, led by Ahmed Chalabi. Chalabi is a huckster of the highest order, who would (and did) tell any lie to get America to invade Iraq, topple Saddam, and hand the country over to him. The lies he fed into America's intelligence community formed the basis of the mythical Iraqi weapons of mass destruction (WMD).

Second were the neo-cons: the boys from the Project for the New American Century. Brought into key positions within the Bush administration, they were determined to use America's status as the only remaining superpower to exert America's will on the rest of the world. There focus was the middle east for 3 reasons: First, OIL. Second, they viewed Israel as America's only real ally in the region and were determined to eliminate any potential threats to Israel. And third, they could not stand the fact that Saddam was still in power, thumbing his nose at America. Among the many downsides of having the neo-cons (who had no military experience, what so ever) making defense policies was their willingness to commit American troops to combat without fully understanding the implications of those decisions. Thus we got (then) Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz saying that there is no ethnic strife in Iraq, and publicly undercutting (then) Army Chief of Staff Eric Shinseki's estimates for how many troops the commanders on the ground would need to win the peace.

Third, the desire to remove Saddam led to the selective use some intelligence products (especially those from Chalabi and the other expatriates from the Iraqi National Congress), to the exclusion of those that did not support invading Iraq. This "cherry picking" of intelligence produced bad decisions, both about going to war in Iraq, and about what to do once Saddam's regime was toppled. While members of Congress supported giving the president the authority to invade, they did so based on the intelligence they were given by the administration. Congress did not have the luxury of choosing only the the information that supported their agenda. The Bush administration did.

Vice-president Cheney, who certainly knew better - since he was the bull goose of the cherry pickers - led the way in lying to the American people to make the case for war. But there was plenty of culpability to go around for pushing both the WMD fable, and the myth about ties between Saddam and al Qaida (remember Condi saying that we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud).

Finally, 9-11 created an environment in which a president completely unqualified to lead a nation in time of war was given the political capital to do so. The Bush administration has been characterized by some who served in it (some who served in several administrations, both Republican and Democrat) as always placing politics ahead of policy. Consequently, tough questions about the consequences for American troops in Iraq if the rosy scenarios painted by the neo-cons didn't pan out were never asked. And they apparently never crossed the mind of the one person who should have been asking them, George W. Bush.

In what may be remembered as perhaps the understatement of the conflict, Army Lt. Gen. Keith Kellogg, who served under Paul Bremer in the Coalition Provisional Authority, was quoted in Inside Defense as saying U.S. officials "made a lot of bad assumptions" that continue to plague coalition efforts "to this day."

I think that whether the U.S. pulls out of Iraq next year or sometime later won't matter much to the future of Iraq, (though it certainly will matter to the friends and family members of those who are killed or crippled between now and then). When its all over, Iraq will revert to more or less the 3 piece of real estate that the Brits cobbled together early in the previous century. The Kurds are already autonomous and have been for a dozen years or so. The Sunnis and Shiites are going to figure out how to divide the rest of the country and the oil that's under it.

The only thing that is keeping the U.S. in Iraq is a president who can't admit that he made a very bad mistake.

Question 3 is to be written by you. Leave suggestions in comments. I will pick one and we will ask the boys.

Posted by Jess at 10:55 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

December 21, 2005

Conversations with Carnies

33 - Gods
42 - Damns
21 - Shit Yeahs
12 - Son'a'bitchs
9 - Fucks
36 - Whores

All within a 5 minute conversation with two out of work carnies in the Peace Surplus parking lot.

I was too busy counting to remember much of the actual conversation. I think they were asking for money, but I soon got them sidetracked on a story about a hooker with three nipples in San Fran.

Happy winter solstice. The days only get longer and the nights only shorter from here.....

Inspiration for this post was due to Ivan Doig's Mountain Time and Bob Marshall's journal in that book. Amazon has it here.

Posted by Jess at 12:02 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 20, 2005

While Jesse is away . . .

bad puns will appear!

On Christmas Eve, Santa eats a jolly roll, leaps into his sleigh, and urges his toys to hop in the sack. Santa's sleigh always comes out first because it starts in the Pole position. It also gets terrific mileage because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Kriss Kringle especially loves all his reindeer because every buck is deer to him. On the way to delivering gifts, he lets his coursers stop at the Deery Queen. And then they sing "Freezer Jolly Good Fellow!"

Posted by julieb at 05:01 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Thoughts from the road...

Nice to be on vacation. I have officially left my luxurious (Built in the 50's) senior apartment (Not officially a Senior center, but most residents have blue, white or combination there of hair color.), though I am only 26, it's a long story how I got in. I am in the city of Flagstaff Arizona at Bookman's borrowing an internet connection. I must say the mountains are majestic, the women are bundled, and Sedona is looking right for tonight....

I have some phenomenal (I was itching to use that word... Like in a major way)guests hosts lined up to take good care of you while I am away. Enjoy them. I am sure one or all will post something soon.

Posted by Jess at 03:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 19, 2005

You Can Look, But......


Well, you figure it out.

Found link at Avedon's place

Posted by Jess at 03:29 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Random Thoughts while Watching The Jerry Springer Show on the Local WB Affilliate

If his radio show had these "Beer Belly Brawlers" characters on instead of his political rants, I think the fanbase would grow, hey, I'm just saying. Now that would be progressive.

I am on vacation from work, I am attempting to get the last of my tasks done, so... I can leave and I don't just sit here, eating cheetos all week wondering why my pecker has turned orange.

Thanks Avedon, Skippy, Joe, Sam, Mad, Jude, Teach, and John L. for flying the LOSLI Flag (thong) on your sites.

Posted by Jess at 01:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 18, 2005

New Blogroll is Done... Kind of

The only thing I have not figured out is how to Put a title on a blogroll using blogrolling. For instance I want to call this list the 2005 LOSLI Blog Awards. Any ideas?

My blogroll grew quite a bit because I have recently discovered more and more blogs that I like, so I wanted to make sure to give everyone an award and a spot. I delinked only 1 active blog. It is not that I do not like that blogger but, I just felt that his blog and mine have gone in other directions. So... make sure and go through and enjoy the great reading.

Oh and does anyone know how to do a webpage forward, or in web geek terminology a URL redirect?

Posted by Jess at 09:55 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

December 17, 2005

2005 /2006 LOSLI Blog Awards (The Golden Thongs)

LOSLI Thong.jpg

Congratulations to all the winners or losers, whatever you may feel this award is. Feel free to use the LOSLI Thong on your blog if you'd like. Any objections? E-mail me(jessewithaj{at}yahoo{dot}com), I will take them under consideration.

Best Conservative:
Daisy Cutter
Best Liberal:
Best Progressive:
The Washington Monthly
Best Moderate:
The Moderate Voice
Best Video Blogging:
Crooks and Liars
Best Military Veteran:
Best Humor Progressive:
Jesus' General
Best Humor Conservative:
Protein Wisdom
Best Progressive Reporting:
Daily Kos
Best Conservative Reporting:
Best Read at Work:
Anonymous Coworker
Best Limericks:
Mad Kane
Best Not Safe For Work:
The Tucker Max Blog
Best Name:
Beautiful Atrocities
Best Blog not to Read and Drink:
The Sideshow
Best Group Blog:
The All Spin Zone
Least likely to Put Cream in His Coffee / Pissed off Progressive:
Rook's Rant
Best Blonde Blogging:
Blonde Sense
Best Canadian Blog:
Samantha Burns
Best Colorado Blog:
Colorado Luis
Best New Mexico Blog:
Best Arizona Blog:
El Gringo
Best Texas Blog:
Texas Best Grok
Best Arkansas Blog:
Burst Transmission
Best Illinois Blog:
That Colored Fella
Best New England Blog:
Tea for One
Best Californication: (Meant in a good way)
Skippy the Bush Kangaroo
Best DC Blog:
INDC Journal
Best Teacher Blog:
Sweet and Somber Fairytale
Best Junkdrawer(Meaning a little bit of everything) Tie:
Blather Review
Ken is a Verb
Best Law Blog:
Talk Left
Best American Flag Themed Posts:
The Pirate's Cove
Best Semi-retired Blogger:
Charlie from The Pusillanimous Wankers
Bloggers I Miss:
Makes Me Ralph
Everything's Ruined
Best Southern Blog:
Best Southern Woman's Blog:
Best Native American Blog:
Beats Per Minute
Best Undiscovered Bloggers: (Though some are more discovered than us)
Et Alia
Democracy for New Mexico
Best (Worst) Pun Blog:
Julie with a B
Best at Helping Jess to Understand Women:
A Swift Kick and a Bandaid
Best Snark:
Best Design:
Of Horses and Hell
Best Blogger Jess is Still Trying to Get:
Ayn Clouter
Still the Best Movie Blog:
Drew's Blog O'Rama
Best Excruciatingly Large Thing Blog:
The Huge Entity
Twat of the Year:
My Waisted Life
Best Host:
Ambient Irony
Best Blog:
Ace of Spades
Best Humor:(Tie)
Jawa Report & Llama Butchers
Best Well uh....:
Nickie Goomba
Best Cyber Mama:
Just Bad Penny
Best at Finding Silly Sites of the Day:
Best Community:
The American Street
Best Caption Contests:
Rox Populi
Blog I am Glad to See Has Returned:
American Warmonger
Most Reminiscent of Hunter S. Thompson
Best Love Letters
Bad Example
Most Likely to Challenge Someone to a Duel
Best Opinions
Opinions You Should Have
Best Giblets
Best Wedding Cake
Best Dallas Blog
Best at Taking a Joke
Captain's Quarters
Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery
Best Confessions
A New York Escorts Confessions
Best Rollerderby Lady
Erica Unwinding
Best Balloon Juice
Balloon Juice
Best Jeff Gannon / James Guckert Coverage
America Blog
Best Blog to Make Jess Smile... Even When I Try Not Too
Best Maha Braha
The Mahablog
What the F***k Blog
WTF Is It Now?
Best Film Critic in Pointy Shoes
Vestal Vespa
Best Blogger Without a Blogroll (That I Can Find)
Best With BlogRolling
Committees of Correspondence
Blogger I Would Least Like to Meet in a Dark Alley
Best Gun Toting Liberal
The Gun Toting Liberal
Best Blogging Poet
Billy the Blogging Poet

I am working on the blogroll now.
Blogroll is done.

Posted by Jess at 10:41 PM | Comments (84) | TrackBack

Likely scenes from my first (and only) holiday party of the year.... Which I will be attending for the next few hours

Coworker: "....Ho ho ho."

Me: "....Don't say that about my date. She is a very nice person. Her English is sometimes hard to understand and all but...."

Coworker: "...I was imitating Santa Claus."

Me: "...She does look pretty hot doesn't she?"

Coworker: "...You are a lot funnier the more I drink."

Me: "...According to my date I look better too the more she drinks."

I think my party will be more boring than his.

*Update 2*
Probably his too.

Posted by Jess at 04:04 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 16, 2005


Sorry for lack of posts but..... I was busy working on the LOSLI Blog Awards.

Oh, and did you hear that Bush authorized domestic spying?

Oh, and that whole patriot act thing? More here.

Posted by Jess at 08:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 15, 2005

Overheard outside of a hindu temple

Cholan: "...The smell of our sacred friends being cooked. It makes me very angry, very, very angry."

Ganesh: "...It makes me want a triple with cheese, some french fries, and a Diet Pepsi."

Cholan: "...You my friend.... are going straight to hell."

Ganesh: "...You must admit Cholan, that the whole burger ban is so... 20th century."

Cholan: "...Damn you and your ketchup Ganesh and damn Elsie McLean too."

Background here

Posted by Jess at 07:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

And we have spent how much time training the Iraqi security forces?

Official: Al-Zarqawi caught, released
Authorities didn't realize prisoner was terrorist mastermind

Thursday, December 15, 2005; Posted: 5:44 p.m. EST (22:44 GMT)

An Iraqi official says Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was caught and released last year.

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Iraqi security forces caught the most wanted man in the country last year, but released him because they didn't know who he was, the Iraqi deputy minister of interior said Thursday.

Article here

Posted by Jess at 07:34 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 14, 2005

If this had happened in Philadelphia it would be all over CNN now.

Semi Driver Killed in crash with Amtrak near Cisco, UT.

Posted by Jess at 03:05 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

First DA in Colorado History Removed

Well Colleen, some things are just not meant to be. ie... Your time in office.

I won't say the name of her political party, but it starts with re has a pub in the middle and ends lican....

Posted by Jess at 03:03 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Just in case any of you cared

My blog is worth $86,374.62.
How much is your blog worth?

Via MadBull

Posted by Jess at 02:45 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

The spelling bee post

George: "...Dictate. D-I-C-T-A-T-E. Now, to use it in a sentence. Paul how did my dictate last night?

Background here

Posted by Jess at 02:15 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 13, 2005

Random "Cold Case" Thoughts

Detective Rush, well, she is hotter than Phoenix asphalt in July. She deserves better than that DA. She deserves.... a half-ass blogger.

Posted by Jess at 09:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

In the News

Ex-President Gerald Ford released from hospital. Nixon still dead.

Prosecutors issue subpoenas in Delay Case. Duke is still a criminal.

Virgin to build spaceport in New Mexico. Richard Branson is still a billionaire.

Prince happy with new record deal. Prince's sex still unknown.

Posted by Jess at 09:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Conversations with Clerks X4

Clerk: "...$10.04 please."

Me: "...Here is $10.05."

Clerk: "...Are you mocking me?"

Me: "...By not giving you correct change?"

Clerk: "...You know I can not stand you people and your nickels."

Me: "...So, I take it you wish I had given you four pennies?"

Clerk: "...Pennies are fundamentally important to our society."

Me: "...I did not have any pennies."

Clerk: "...Jackass."

Me: "...OK."

Clerk: "...If you picked up every penny you saw for a year, you could buy your wife a boob job."

Me: "...I don't have a wife."


Me: "...Besides, if I were to give you my pennies as you requested, I would not be saving for my wife, whom I have not met's boob job."



Clerk: "...Here is your penny."

Me: "...1 penny down, 24,999 to go."

Clerk: "...How did you get that number?"

Me: "...A simple formula my friend. $2500 for a boob job multiplied by 100 pennies per dollar = 25,000 pennies, -1 = 24,999 pennies remaining before I can pay for a boob job on a lady that I have not met."

Clerk: "...You can take that high falutent educated mathematics to the bedrooom and see how much good it does you."

Me: "...Huh? You lost me."

Posted by Jess at 04:42 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Anybody want to fill in for a few days starting Sunday?

I am going camping.

Posted by Jess at 02:25 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Zen and the Art of Fly Fishing Abridged X7

You only need a rod if you are actually fishing.

Posted by Jess at 02:08 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 12, 2005

Conversation with my fifth double Jim Beam and Diet Coke

Me: "For some reason I have a Hank Williams Jr. song in my head tonight."

Jim Beam and Diet Double # 5: "Let me guess, you have "Family Tradition" in your head. Particularly that line "Now, I have loved some ladies and I have loved Jim Beam, and they both tried to kill me back in 1973?"

Me: "Yes, but I ammended that line to 2003."

JBDD#5: "Well, that makes good sense, Jess... being that you were not born until 1979."


JBDD#5: "I will take your silence as an affirmation."

Me: "Jack Daniels never talked back."

JBDD#5: "But, I am so much sexier."

Me: "That, my friend is plain fuct up."

This guy could be Goldstein's brother. Or maybe it is Jeff G?

Posted by Jess at 10:57 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

My endorsements

For the Weblog Awards.

Vote for Gigglechick (Best Design), The General (Best Humor), Eschaton(Best Blog),Rox Populi (Best Liberal), Balloon Juice (Best of the top 250),and Crooks and Liars (Best Video Blog)

Now Go Vote, for my choices, for your choices, for whomever you would like. All the nominated bloggers are extremely talented and great reads. Enjoy.

(This has nothing to do with the LOSLI blog awards, I just thought I would share some love.)

Posted by Jess at 06:42 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

December 11, 2005

Cajun Christmas Joke X1

Cajun Christmas for the boys and girls that have spent a little time in tha swamps...

Day 1: Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow in de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.

Day 2: Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an made some gumbo out of dem.

Day 3: Dear Boudreaux, Why doan you sent some crawfish? I'm tired of Eating dem darn birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chickens to Marie Trahan over at Grans Bayou an fed the tird one to my dog Phideaux. Marie needed some sparing partners for her fighting rooster.

Day 4: Dear Boudreaux, Mon Dieux! I tol you no more birds. Deez four, What you call dem "calling birds" were so noisy you could hear dem all de way to Napoleonville. I used dere necks for my crab traps, an fed de rest of dem to de gators.

Day 5: Dear Boudreaux, You finally sen' somethin useful. I like dem Golden rings, me. I hocked dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and got enuf money to fix da shaft on my shrimp boat An buy a round for da boys at de Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!

Day 6: Dear Boudreaux, Couchon! Back to da birds, you turkey! Poor egg suckin' Phideaux is scared to death at dem six gaeases. He tried to eat dems eggs and dey peck de heck out ah his snout. Dey good at eating cockroaches, though. I may stuff one of dem wit erster dressing on
Christmas day.

Day 7: Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see you. Thibeau, da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all dem birds is stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff and sue him good. I let those seven swans loose to swim on de bayou and some duck hunters from Mississippi blasted dem out of de water. Talk to you

Day 8: Dear Boudreaux, poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips on his mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and their cows. One of dem cows got spooked by da alligators and almost tipped over da boat. I doan like dem shiftless maids, me no. I tolt dem to get to work guttin fish and sweepinq the shack but dey say it wasn't in dair contract. Dey probably think dey too good ta skin nutrias I caught las night.

Day 9: Dear Boudreaux, What you trying to do huh? Thibeau had to borrow The Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call Lords-a-Leaping across the bayou. As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea break with crumpets. I doan know what dat means but I says, *Well La Di Da. You get Chicory coffee or nuttin. * Mon Dieu, Emile. What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos?
Dey to snooty for fried nutria, and de cows done eat my turnip greens.

Day 10: Dear Boudreaux, You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't kill you, I will fo sure. Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies from Bourbon Street. Dey said dey be *Ladies Dancin* but dey doan act like ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey almos left after one of dem got bit by a water moccasin over by da out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to
feed toute le monde an had to get toilet paper. The Sears catalog wasn't good enuf fer dose hoity toity Lords.

Day 11: Dear Boudreaux, where y'at? Cheerio an pip pip. Your 11 pipers piping arrives today from the House of Blues, second lining as dey got off de boat. We fixed snuffed goose and beef jambalaya, finished da whiskey and we having a fais-do-do. Da new mailman he drink a bottle of Jack Daniel an he having a good time yeah dancing with de floozies. Thibeau he jump off
de Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screaming your name. If you get a mysterious, ticking package in de mail, doan open it.

Day 12: Dear Boudreaux, I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love anymore, no. After da fais-do-do, I spent de night with Jacque, de head piper. We decide to open a restaurant and gentleman's club on de bayou. The Ladies dancing can make $20 for a dance, and de Lords can be waiters an valet park de boats. Since de maids doan have no more cows ta milk, I trained dem ta set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, an run my shrimping business. We will probably gross a million clams NEX year.

Posted by Jess at 07:48 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack


It seems to have been forgotten by some fucking bureaucrats. I truly feel for the families of these fallen heros.****

A local family said fallen soldiers and Marines deserve better and that one would think our war heroes are being transported with dignity, care and respect. It said one would think upon arrival in their hometowns they are greeted with honor. But unfortunately, the family said that is just not the case.

Dead heroes are supposed to come home with their coffins draped with the American flag -- greeted by a color guard.

But in reality, many are arriving as freight on commercial airliners -- stuffed in the belly of a plane with suitcases and other cargo.

Via Atrios

I don't even feel like being snarky on this one.

Posted by Jess at 07:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Conversation with a Bing Cherry X3

Bing Cherry: "Do you know if the Chiefs won today?"

Me: "Cowboys by 3."

Bing Cherry: "I hate the Chiefs, that excites me immensely."

Me: "I'll drink to hating the Chiefs."

Bing Cherry: "Just because we do not like the same football team does not mean we are buddies or anything."

Me: "Ok."

Bing Cherry: "Quit looking so mopey, get me a beer while you are up."


Bing Cherry: "Listen bud, you are dealing with a pissed off piece of produce named Dick that also happens to be a female, that could use some liquid refreshment. So, if you would quit jackassing around, and get me a beer, I would appreciate it."

Me: "All you are is issues and inuendo."

Bing Cherry: (Chanting) Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer.

Posted by Jess at 07:00 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Jehovah's Witness @ My Door - Haiku X2

Ding dong the door bell.
Keep trying, its still locked tight.
I won't open it.

Posted by Jess at 06:48 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Sunday Roundup

Iowa, Colorado, New Hampshire?*** Chuck ponders the conflicts of morality.*** War on Christmas?***

The General has been accused of cheating and he responds in the way only the general can.*** Jeff over at Protein Wisdom teaches us how to install a garbage disposal.*** Jeff ***also points us to this reaction to the death of Richard Pryor.***

Julie B found this just for me.*** (And of course Teach***)

To: Bob Woodward
From: Mad Kane
With Love.***

Jeremy is still not back.*** Heather moved some links around. She did not delete anyone.... She repeats.*** Nick moved offices, and seems happy about it.*** Today's love note by Harvey.*** The best part of waking up, is Prochein Amy in your cup.*** Princess Cat explains why 2 exes should never ever have the same name. Ever.***

Posted by Jess at 06:34 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

2005 LOSLI Blog Awards Official Announcement


We will have fun categories, most of them will be made up of whatever I want. Would you like a blog award? Know a blogger that needs recognition? Let me know.

Between now and the 17th I will be reading blogs, making categories, and assigning awards. I will then award the LOSLI thong to many worthy bloggers. (Last year my whole blogroll and then some got awards)

*Update 11-Dec-05*
I have started the post, but am not anywhere near done with it so, don't hesitate to add some comments, on who you like, and award selections.

Posted by Jess at 03:07 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

Will Work for Sex

work for sex.jpg

For all the fans of her.... I give you her encore.

Posted by Jess at 12:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 10, 2005

Conversations with my snail shaped desk lamp

Me: "I can't even turn you on."

Lamp: "Well, dumbass if you would change my bulb it would be pretty much a non-issue."

Posted by Jess at 09:55 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

Things that get a guy excited on a Saturday Morning

When you are only half awake and you see an article about lesbians, you get excited... then you find out it is about Syria, well, it fucks up your whole equilibrium.


Posted by Jess at 09:27 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 09, 2005

I don't know who to vote for.(But, I know we must vote for Sam)

Two of my favorite humor bloggers are nominated for best humor blog in the weblog awards.

So go throw some votes for both....

Protein Wisdom and Jesus' General

Vote Here.

If you get a chance, please go vote for Nickie Goomba in this category.


Posted by Jess at 10:56 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Jehovah's Witness @ My Front Door - Haiku

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.
Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.
Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

Posted by Jess at 10:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 08, 2005

Conversations with a Bing Cherry X2


Bing Cherry:


Bing Cherry:

Me: "So full of inuendo, yet so little to say."

Bing Cherry:


Bing Cherry:


Bing Cherry: "You would not have much to say if you were an aging bing cherry named Dick either."


Bing Cherry:


Bing Cherry:

Posted by Jess at 12:09 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

December 07, 2005

What a Terrible problem to have


Posted by Jess at 07:45 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack



Posted by Jess at 07:42 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

John Kerry reappears


Posted by Jess at 07:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Not in my newspaper


Posted by Jess at 07:40 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 06, 2005

Subliminal Messages

"Patient and steady with all he must bear,

Ready to accept every challenge with care,

Easy in manner, yet solid as steel,

Strong in his faith, refreshingly real,

Isn't afraid to propose what is bold,

Doesn't conform to the usual mold,

Eyes that have foresight, for hindsight wont do,

Never back down when he sees what is true,

Tells it all straight, and means it all too,

Going forward and knowing he's right,

Even when doubted for why he would fight,

Over and over he makes his case clear,

Reaching to touch the ones who won't hear,

Growing in strength, he won't be unnerved,

Ever assuring he'll stand by his word,

Wanting the world to join his firm stand,

Bracing for war, but praying for peace,

Using his power so evil will cease:

So much a leader and worthy of trust,

Here stands a man who will do what he must."

Article here.

Is somebody trying to send a message?


Posted by Jess at 08:01 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

I fought the law, and the law won.

Misilvan Chavier dos Santos: "My campaign needed a little pick me up, what else can I say?."


Posted by Jess at 07:58 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Do you ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

Tom Delay: "Not really, no. How about a wine spritzer Sergio?"


Posted by Jess at 07:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 05, 2005

Dumb asses in the news

My notes are italicized.

Kingston, Roane County (WVLT) - The Roane County Sheriff's Department is investigating a jail break with a unique twist. For a short time Sunday, an accused armed robber was on the run. It's a story you can only find on WVLT.

Oh no, I hope that he is not going to do anything crazy.

Eric Waddell has more on the jail break and the unusual place the escapee was captured.

Tell us about it Eric. Please, our collective breath is held.

According to Kingston Police about 9:40 a.m. Sunday morning Dustin Scarbrough wasn't where he was supposed to be.

The plot thickens, an escapee that was not where he was supposed to be. Ooh, let me catch my breath before I read on.

The accused armed robber was not in the Roane County Jail.

"I was at the block by the Kingston Courthouse and as I drove by I witnessed a white male run off the front steps heading towards the jail. It kind of caught my attention so I watched him for another second or so and when I did he got to the corner and he crouched over," says Sergeant Wes Stooksbury, from the Kingston Police Department

Heading towards the jail? Why would he be doing that?

The final clue before the arrest was jail issue shoes and pants.

6 weeks at the police academy taught him to spot those, Tennessee tax dollars hard at work.

"As he ran between the air conditioning unit and the bail bondsman's office I ran between the jail and the air conditioning unit. They are close together in order to cut him off I went down between those two buildings and got behind the first buildings on the left and waited for him to come around. When he did I caught him there just behind the jail rec-yard," explains Sgt. Stooksbury.

I certainly hope that Barney had put his one bullet in his revolver.

The Sergeant says he found on Scarbrough a package containing clothes, liquor, several prescription pills a substance believed to be crack cocaine and evidence that Scarbrough isn't a big fan of jail food.

Who doesn't need a change of clothes, I mean the jump suits are so, 2003.
"Four McDonalds Hamburgers," says Sgt. Stooksbury.

Personally if I was going to risk it all, I would have at least gotten Taco Bell... Ya know the chipotlegrilled stuft burrito or something, instead of McDonalds.

It is unclear whether or not the accused was planning to keep the items for himself or if he was trying to smuggle the items in to sell to other prisoners.

I mean who doesn't like to do a little a bump, take some prescrition pills, do a vodka shooter, and eat four Big Macs?

On a more serious note how did the escapee get out?

Who has time for seriousness? I want to eat my Big Mac.

"Fencing around the top of the rec-yard had been pried loose and damaged enough to where one of the guys could get out this guy that got out was kind of slim," says Stooksbury.

Ponder that statement. Someone, please explain it. I am lost. One of the guys could get out this guy that got out...? What?

The Roane Sheriff's Department is still investigating the case.

Seems, pretty cut and dried.

So far no charges have been filed, but Sheriff David Haggard says the escapee is likely to face second or third degree escape charges.

Only in Tennessee.

Original Article

Posted by Jess at 09:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 04, 2005

NFL Notes


Because I was politically correct, I will change that and, add this one.


Full Disclosure

I am a Broncos fan and if you were to look at the last two years, and who knocked my team out of the playoffs, well you would understand.

Posted by Jess at 02:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Conversations with a Bing Cherry

For Heather and Julie (My two talking to fruit fans.)

Me: "... I used to talk to a pear, until the unappreciative prick crossed the line and now he is a smoothie."

Bing Cherry:

Me: "That's right."

Bing Cherry:

Me: "What do you have to say about that?"

Bing Cherry:

Me: "Two can play this game."

Bing Cherry:


Bing Cherry:


Bing Cherry: "Quit staring at me expectantly, not all fruit likes to converse with you. Jesus, don't you have somewhere to be."


Bing Cherry:


Bing Cherry: "Why are you still here?"

Me: "It is my apartment and all if someone is to go, why not you?"

Bing Cherry: "Because I do not have legs you jackass. Must I explain everything to you?"

Posted by Jess at 01:37 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Barn Yard Haiku

Don't read extended entry unless, you don't mind inuendo. I warned you.

I saw my chicken.
Bastard was asking for it.
I had to choke him.

Posted by Jess at 01:11 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 03, 2005

People to blogroll... Saturday stuff

I have been meaning to and fully intend on blogrolling these bloggers, I have been having issues with bloglines but don't lose faith. If you have not, read them yet, go show them the love.

The Texicans
Samantha Burns
My Waisted Life (Who I found today but have been digging.)

More blogs that I have found.

Diary of a Fat Boy
Ficken Chingers
Out n About

Go. Now. I will be here when you hit the "back" button.

Fun Stuff to Read
Bedtime Stories... I am buying a different kind of reading material for my nightstand.

Optometrist may need new glasses. In the west our gun control laws are set up a little differently.

Chad Johnson fined $5000.00 for "putting" celebration in last week's game. I thought it was actually one of the better celebrations I have seen.

Sleep with Sharon Stone? "I'd rather be attacked by wolves."

Santa = Satan? Only on this video.

One cool grandma. She would have done well with my direlect buddies and I.

FBI Plants fake candidate in West Virginia election to find corruption. Ironic eh?

71 year old retiree arrested at Mobile Home Park Residents meeting. (The headline says enough)

That's all for now folks....

Posted by Jess at 10:48 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Zen and the Art of Fly Fishing Abridged X5

A fisherman or fisherlady for that matter, must never forget the we are indeed guests in the fish's house.

A true fly fisherman or fly fisherlesbian would never get this~ p***y whipped, even if it was Angelina Jolie.

Note to John Derbyshire:
Women don't come with expiration dates. You freaking Jackass. (H/T Goldstein)

Posted by Jess at 04:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Random Saturday Afternoon Thoughts

It looks like USC and Texas in the Rosebowl. Wow...

I really could care less who wins.

Posted by Jess at 04:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 01, 2005

The Interview X1

I must say that tonight is an exciting night for LOSLI. I recently asked two bloggers one from the left side of the political aisle one from the right to answer some questions from me.

What is so special about this? Both are Military veterans one Marine one Army, both have very different views on the state of the world today. Will we find common ground? Will we have an intelligent discussion? Yes, I believe so. The format for which this interview will take place will be that I have e-mailed both participants with a question, they have responded, it will be posted below. The answers you will read are not necessarily my opinion, but chances are I agree with a lot of them. The answers are presented to you unedited.

Q: You both are military veterans. Tell us a little bit about your time in the service and how it has helped shape who you are to this day. Politically, spiritually, or any other way that it has effected you.

Travis from Rainstorm who is the Blogfather of LOSLI and also the Progressive side of this debate. Answered the above question:
I started out as a Military Policeman. After 3 years I had the opportunity to move into the intelligence field and go to Airborne School. I jumped at the chance.

For the next 10 years I worked in various intelligence jobs in the special operations community. The people in Special Ops, in all four branches of the service, were, without a doubt, some of the finest people I have ever known.

From there I moved into various security and training positions, finally leaving the military in 1999 at the age of 48.

My body was pretty busted up by then. I couldn't run anymore and I needed shoulder surgery. But I wouldn't have traded those years for anything.

Of the people I served with, some (especially those who were in Viet Nam) have since died, some are now senior officers, at least one is with Delta (so I don't hear where he is or what he is doing).

How did my military career shape who I am today? Well, I got a shot or two of self-confidence along the way. There is learning I can't quite articulate that comes from knowing that your life depends upon the proficiency and professionalism of the people in your unit (and others -- pilots, riggers, etc). It requires a certain surrender, and it leads to a tremendous amount of trust.

As for its effect on me politically, I'll just say that my work in both the intelligence field and in special operations required a pretty steep learning curve in some very broad areas, to include geo-politics, military history, guerrilla warfare, conventional and unconventional warfare, and leadership. These are things that I eventually taught in the military. Much of my frustration with the current regime is its habit of ignoring the lessons learned from the past 300 years of military and political history, saying that the old rules don't apply anymore. Reminds of the mindset of stock traders in the late 1990s, just before the bubble burst and they lost their shirts.

The Question again.
Q: You both are military veterans. Tell us a little bit about your time in the service and how it has helped shape who you are to this day. Politically, spiritually, or any other way that it has effected you.

DC from Daisy Cutter who always welcomes me with grace and courtesy to his site, even if at times we disagree is the Conservative side of this debate answered the preceeding question this way.

Hey Jess,

Hard to boil all this down, because the USMC meant so very much and continues to mean so much in my life.

I signed up to go to OCS in January 1989. I actually decided to go to OCS while I was in law school at Texas. I did so because I came to believe that lawyers should serve the public good. A lot of my friends thought I was crazy. They were probably right but it was a good kind of crazy. I interviewed with the Army and Navy, but I found them unimpressive. Plus, Army and Navy lawyers are not regular line officers who can be assigned to any billet. The Marines were ho-hum about having me, and said they didn't like lawyers. I figured they must have their heads screwed on straight. The recruiting officer suggested I start working out with the Marine ROTC unit at U.T. During this time, I got in shape and I learned how to negotiate obstacles and climb a rope. These things would give an "old guy" like me (most of the guys at OCS were 4-5 years younger than me) a needed edge. Went to OCS, and then six months at the Basic School in Quantico, Virginia. Learned to do all the things a Marine platoon commander learns before going to justice school (9 week course in military justice) in Newport, RI.

After justice school, I reported for duty at Camp Pendleton, CA. My principal job for the first 18 months there was as a prosecutor. I loved it, and there was lots to do. I was in court the third day I was there. Many of us got deployed as part of Desert Shield/Storm, and we all thought we would go eventually. The war was over so fast that it never materialized. In May 1992, I was sent to Los Angeles as the OIC of a detachment of Marines to help restore order in the LA riots. That was a great experience, in retrospect. We made a difference there. The remainder of my time was spent as a defense counsel. This is where I really grew as a lawyer and a man in many ways. When I was a prosecutor, I thought they were all guilty. When I was a defense guy, I found that, yes, most of them were in fact guilty, but every body still had a story. Plus, I found it very challenging as the law and the facts were often stacked against you. The experience as a defense lawyer helped me grow up personally, and it also made me a much better lawyer. I got out in September 1993, after I was extended to finish working on a homicide case. I think the most rewarding thing about my service in the USMC was making a difference in some of the wayward young men I represented.

Joining the Marine Corps was the single-best professional decision I ever made. From my vantage point, I often saw the parts of the USMC that were not the best, but still ... I was just so honored to be a part of the Marine Corps. You just can't imagine the teamwork, esprit-de-corps, and commitment to serving the nation. I would do it again in a second, except this time I probably would have stayed in.

One final note, in the interest of full disclosure ... When I signed up, I toyed with the idea that being a Marine could "help me down the road", you know, in whatever I did, and especially if I decided to go into politicics. I am ashamed to say this, but it is true. One night, we were in our racks at OCS signing the Marines' Hymn, and tears were just streaming down my face, and I swore I would never do it. I had no idea what a special trust it was to wear the title " U.S. Marine". And I realized that almost any political office was a demotion from the lowest ranking Marine.

So, there you have it, Jess ... in a nutshell.

Semper Fi,


Well, there you have it. A preview of question #2.
The Iraq question.

On March 20, 2003 did you feel as though we were entering into a necessary conflict? On Decmeber 1, 2005 do you still feel the same way. If you were Commander in Chief what would be your plan of execution to end this conflict.

Buzzwords - To ponder

Iraq / Al Quaeda
Stay the Course
Troop Withdrawal
Slam Dunk
Terrorist Regime
Body Armor
Abu Ghraib
Justified War

If any of you have any suggestions for more questions feel free to leave them in comments.

Posted by Jess at 08:52 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack