How 'Bout Them Apples?

Outfuckenrageous

15 gallons of Regular Unleaded 3.00 a gallon = $45.00.

This Colorado not Californication. Jesus.

Conversation with Andy Roddick's tennis racket.

Me: "... Well, I guess at least it was close."

Andy Roddick's tennis racket: ".... Yeah, it hurt when he threw me."

Me: "... Well, at least you get an early vacation."

ARTR: "Hopefully, he will happen to leave me at the Agassi house."

Me: " Good luck with that."

ARTR: "... You don't happen to have a grommet grinder, do you? I am in need of repairs."

Me: "... No, but I bet you could hit a pear a long way."

ARTR: "... Yeah, I could hit a pear quite a long way, if you could find a grommet grinder."

Me: "... Well. I will try."

ARTR: "If you can find some ho's while you are out. I prefer red heads. I am very much an ass man."

Me: "... You mean ass racket?"

ARTR: "Are you going to find some skirts? Or do I have spend one more night with that annoying twit Mandy Moore's memories and smelly garters?"

My 3 year old nephew comments on the opposing protests / rallies at Crawford, TX.

3 Year Old Nephew: "... She (Sheehan) wears funny looking hat."

****** UPDATE *******
2 Chocolate Yoohoos later for him and 3 martinis for me, we have decided that Cindy is doing the right thing for her, the other protestors on both sides are just trying to stand up for what they believe, that the media is bored and that I quite frankly hope that she gets to talk to him (Bush), but believe it is highly unlikely especially with 1000 of her closest friends~.

****** UPDATE 2********
Chocolate Yoohoo makes a kickin chocolate martini mixed in with a little Stolichnaya.

Odds, ends, and random stuff in the middle

First off thank you to everyone that continues to check back with LOSLI. Charlie and Julie B have been great. A few others continue to come back, and that is very appreciated.

Sometimes, just sometimes I think some of my right leaning friends are going to see the light. I dunno. Sometimes, just sometimes, there are glimmers of hope. Sometimes though, I doubt it.

Dear Senator Santorum,. Luis, is glad that Ken Salazar has opted to stay in the Senate. An explanation of Pat "Hugo needs to be gone... God told me so" Robertson? Avedon is still steady. Our thoughts are with Travis. He is the one that got me into this whole blogging thing.

Jeremy appears to be on hiatus. Bad Penny had an interesting lunch. I still miss my pal Pika. I hope Ralph, is doing well, wherever he may be. I like the sound of Hanna-McEuen. Via A Swift Kick and a Bandaid.

Ouch.

Question of the day. On a lot of minds, I am sure. Regarding hurricane Katrina.
Will this be taken as a sign of impending doom, either by Greens on the left or by people believing in a coming rapture on the right?

Regime change in Berlin?

Richardson for President in 08. He is very viable.

Will has no tolerance. To me, he is why the Democratic party loses. He forgets that because we are not all atheist, elitist, science, computer masters that our opinions and our votes do matter if you want to win. I believe the word is intolerant. Is that not the polar opposite of what the Democrats embraced for many decades?

Random Voicemail messages....

On my cellphone. While traveling, from the guy in the office next to me, who coincidentally carries the same phone I do, and knows that I am unable to receive cell phone calls.

"Hello. Hello. Hello. Are you there? Can you pick up? Hello."

Ironically, on my cellphone to leave a message for me one has to push the number three. Then begin recording, this jackass must have done this yet he still believes that he was talking to an answering machine.

* No, I am not back. Just saying hello, and sharing random thoughts.*

Thanks again to Heather for doing such a good job. I will have some stories to tell after this experience. Until then, be well, do good work and keep in touch.

Has He Left Yet?

Suddenly, I feel the need to apologize for Jess, for he knows not what the Hell he just did.

I'm highly suspicious of the fact that his decision to place LOSLI at my mercy was influenced greatly by my writing about wearing thongs, having a scantily clad woman as the basis of my latest site design, and of course by my frequent virtual streakings in the shoutbox of Blog Explosion.

In short: Jess was thinking like a guy.

Anyways, I would like to make a correction to his previous post:

Everyone is welcome here, showing of much skin is required greatly appreciated, and just beer Jess? I lived in Sweden where they know how to drink: you all go ahead raid the damn bar.

Now, as I look pretty damn good in a labcoat am a scientist , I need to conduct a bit of a study:

I'm curious to know just how many people Jess has frightened away from here, and how many people I have to give lap dances to for the duration of my stay.

Yes, I did just say lap dances. What did you expect? Cute little angelic posts? I live in Las Vegas for fuck's sake. I have no shame.

(Oops, I can swear on here, can't I?)

So, come on everyone. De-lurk, and let the partying begin!

Welcome to The LOSLI Cafe, can I get you a beer? Your server Heather will be with you shortly.... Oh and take off that tie, we encourage flip flops and shorts in this mo fo.

I am going away for a bit, to places with limited internet access. LOSLI will not die. Nope, fraid not. Heather will be your hostess with the mostess. I truly hope to return soon, but am unsure of when my return to blogging will be, so I must thank all of you and say, see you later, hopefully in a couple of weeks.

As Garrison Keillor says "Be well, do good work, and keep in touch."

While I am away.....

Feel free to use the facilities.

Dave's not here man.

Not yet. Soon maybe.

Conversation with my brand new, though I have had it for two years... but never used it, so I guess it is technically not brand new but anyway gravyboat

Me: "So, uh yeah, I guess I forgot you were in there."

Gravyboat: "It would not hurt to use me every once in a while. Gravyboats have feelings too."

Me: "Not that I have intended that, I just rarely eat gravy and hardly ever make it."

Gravyboat: "I can also be used as a Dorito holder."

Me: "OK."

Gravyboat: "Just for your reference."

Me: "Got it."

Gravyboat: "I would also make a decent candleholder. Though, I would not want any candle to be put in me unless it was made by a 28 year old hippie chick named Sunshine at the candle making compound."

Me: "You've had a lot of time to think about this, eh?"

I don't make this stuff up

I just link them. supportgayjudgeroberts.blogspot.com/

I wonder how DC, Goomba, and Jeremy feel about this?

Via Ace of Spades

Hmm.

Via Avedon

Airforce Humor

Via Travis

Oh, and by the way.... I did miss you guys. But, I needed to get away and it helped. So thanks for the e-mails.

Kinda reminds me of an old Grateful Dead Song
"Set out running but I'll take my time, any friend of the Devil is a friend of mine."

R.I.P. Jerry Garcia 8/1/42 - 8/9/95

My first (and probably only) half hearted attempt to win "mommy blog" loving readers over

Well, it must be tough raising 7 children, crocheting, taking trips in minivans, and just being an all around stupendous freaking person to find the time to watch "The Young and the Restless".

Victor Newman is a complex person, and well Genewa City is so like Shit Town USA that I live in. I mean really Jack Abbot is what you must think of when you have your Doc Johnson out.

UPDATE
*Hate e-mail # 1
Jess,
you pig. I am a mommy and I blog. You are an asshole. If I was your mommy I would blog what an asshole you are, then I would disown you. Get your story right too damn it we watch Ellen instead of Young and Restless. Oh, and you will die a slow death at the hands of a huge trojan condum suffocating your dumb ass. Sleep well you motherless prick.

Tanya

*Update 2*
Do you think Tanya wears a thong, bikini, or granny panties? My bet is.... Large granny panties which if in a pinch with some tree branches could be erected as a make shift tent.

*Update 3*
Take this post as the joke it is.

*Update 4*
Go look at Heather's new design. I am semi-stiff after looking at it.

Conversation with ex girlfriend / scenes from the grocery store volume 1

While walking through the meat section I encountered my ex. I did my best evasive manuevers but found my self blocked in by a little old lady looking at the hams.

Ex: "So, uh how you been?"

Me: "Well, thank you."

Ex: "You uh don't look good. Are you ok?"

Me: "I am like fine wine, old cheese and a good women."

Ex: "Huh?"

Me: "I get better all the time."

Ex: "I miss your off the wall humor."

Me: I miss the toilet if I am innebriated.

Ex: (Laughing) "That is what I mean. Only you could come up with a comeback that quick."

Me: "I would say I miss my ex but my aim is getting better, but in present company I did not feel it was appropriate. "

Ex: "So, you've thought about running into me?"

Me: "No, I thought about that one in regards to the people at work in case they ever miss me while I am out and about and then tell me about it. Unfortunately though I used that one on you so, now I must come up with a new one in case the work people ever do miss me and ever do admit it".

Ex: "You are a weird one, but that was what I fell in love with."

Me: "You never loved me."

Ex: "I did too."

Me: "Well, regardless. I must be moving on, and it appears as if Lucille is done picking out her ham."

Ex: "Do you know her?" (Referencing lady that was picking out ham)

Me: "Yes, she is my date..... Truthfully. No. Not yet, my agency keeps setting me up with these older ladies though... Damn the ugly male escort agency all to hell."

Ex: "So....."

Me: "Right......"

Ex: "Maybe we can do breakfast sometime and figure it all out."

Me: "Maybe, though I have pretty extensive travel for a while."

Ex: "I will catch you. If nothing else I know where you go on Friday nights."

Me: (To myself) "Change friday night venue."

For the newer readers there is a lot of history that may be hard to get here.... just laugh at my weird ass lines.

Jim Beam bottle to large glass of Ice filled with bubbling Diet Pepsi...

"We really are the Starsky and Hutch of the beverage world you know? So.... uh yeah, you know I mean Jack and Coke aint got nothing on us right buddy? I mean really.... Jack and Coke is a freaking joke."

LOSLI Conceptual series X2

The Ultimo Post

ACABADO.

Thanks.