September 29, 2005

Bad Joke

Really, don't read the extended entry if you do not... well, like to be offended.

You will, I warned you.

A chinese couple is having sex. The husband tells the wife that he wants to 69. The wife asks, Why you want beef and brocolli now?

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Picture it. Hastings Store on the Western Slope of Colorado. Me, lost. Wander into the book section, then somehow the christian section. I see a whole bunch of "self help while Jesus holds your hand type stuff. I am walking away, looking for Harry Potter books just to get a balance. I see something, what is it? I do a double take. WTF? Did I see what I thought I saw? Amongst all the bible thumper propoganda was a stack of Darwin fish. What? Not one placed by a vigilante. No, this was a stgack with a barcode and everything. I place my hands over my eyes, just to make sure that I am not having a flashback from my college days IE '99. I look again. There it is. Amazing. I am aproached by an employee wearing a name tag saying "Stevarino #1" So, my curiosity kills me, I ask. He smiles and says makes you want to buy some Alanis just for the irony eh? Indeed.

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September 26, 2005

Musical reviews

I rarely say that you must buy an album. Tonight I am going to make one.

Ryan Adams
Cold Roses

It is a must own for all music lovers.

Tomorrow I am buying Jacksonville City Nights

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Blood, sweat and (golf) tees X2

The beer cart girl always looks a lot better after her third or fourth trip to your group.

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September 25, 2005

Pat Tillman - A different take

The Cunning Realist points us to this piece in the San Francisco Chronicle.

Profound stuff....
Interviews also show a side of Pat Tillman not widely known — a fiercely independent thinker who enlisted, fought and died in service to his country yet was critical of President Bush and opposed the war in Iraq, where he served a tour of duty. He was an avid reader whose interests ranged from history books on World War II and Winston Churchill to works of leftist Noam Chomsky, a favorite author.

Tillman read Chomsky? Christ, I have tried to read Chomsky but, it is about like reading a book of dog barking interpretations for a cat owner, sure it is probably informative but not too relevant in day to day life.

The soldier next to him testified: “I could hear the pain in his voice as he called out, ‘Cease fire, friendlies, I am Pat f—ing Tillman, dammit.” He said this over and over until he stopped,” having been hit by three bullets in the forehead, killing him.

No comment. I can say no more.

Yet other Tillman family members are less reluctant to show Tillman’s unique character, which was more complex than the public image of a gung-ho patriotic warrior. He started keeping a journal at 16 and continued the practice on the battlefield, writing in it regularly. (His journal was lost immediately after his death.) Mary Tillman said a friend of Pat’s even arranged a private meeting with Chomsky, the antiwar author, to take place after his return from Afghanistan — a meeting prevented by his death. She said that although he supported the Afghan war, believing it justified by the Sept. 11 attacks, “Pat was very critical of the whole Iraq war.”

Hmm. Just one Hmm. Reminds me of this quote.

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.
Edward Abbey
1927 - 1989

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Blood, sweat and (golf) tees

Is it really necessary to line up a two footer for triple bogey on a flat green, when you are already 14 over through 8 holes?

Though if I was a nice playing partner I probably would have "given" it to him.

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A citizen journalist reports x5

Have you seen Erin Nola Nembhard?

Why am I bringing this up? Well, as a citizen journalist I must help cover the stories that "real media" machine is too busy to cover. I did hear a rumor that Beth Holloway - Twitty was going to give us hurricane analysis from Mountain Brook, Alabama.

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...of Mice and Keyboards

The cursor is not only the nickname of my ex girlfriend, no indeed. In the savage world of hot coffee, cigarrettes, bloodshot eyes, lady's thongs with keyboards printed on them and computer science majors it serves a purpose...

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Zen and the Art of Fly Fishing Volume 3

Carrying a net is only necessary if you plan on catching fish.

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September 22, 2005

Unsubstantiated rumor haiku

A shot of Jim Beam.
Bush is getting drunk again.
Recovery blows.

Via Rook's Rant

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Reports on Hurricane Rita

Winds calm, light in a Southeasterly direction. No evacuations yet at the Snow King Resort in Jackson Hole, WY. Though I did see a Subaru station wagon loaded to the gills, heading North toward Yellowstone then eventually Montana and perhaps Canada.

I saw a nervous looking moose earlier, and you know what they say about animal intuition and the weather.

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Voicemail from "previous former" girlfriend and my response(I call her "previous former" because I never liked the word ex)

Sitting in a Wyoming watering hole~, last night my phone starts to ring.... I look at the caller identification it says "do not answer, please!"

A minute or so later the voicemail chime went off. Attached is a transcript of the message.

I have also attached my message in response to hers.

Her message

"Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, what to do with dear old Jesse. I guess you are somewhere doing something. God knows what, but, well... regardless I hope you are well or at least not dead yet. You know I love you baby, well not in that way, at least not before I were to get drunk then I become lovey dovey then we might have a chance in that way, though I did not call you to say that. I called you to ask if you knew a good accountant, I dunno just thought you might, so what am I saved in your phone these days? As long as it is not "Drunk whore" or anything sensationalized such as that, cuz well I am not either one, at the moment at least."

My Response deposited in her voicemail box quite unceremoniously
"You are in my phonebook as "Do not answer please" I know a couple of bean counters, depends on what you want them for. CPAwise I use..... Taxwise I use..... and just general accountingwise I use..... I too hope that you are well, I saw a great bumpersticker today that fits your new hobby of skeet shooting or whatever you do at the gun range it said "I miss my ex, but my aim is getting better." Well, let me know if you need anything else. As Garrison Keilor says "Be well, do good work and keep in touch." You know my number, unless of course you forgot it in the last five minutes. Well, I digress and ramble on and I have half a cocktail in front of me, a hot waitress, and a half ass interesting conversation with some guy from Germany to continue."

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My second favorite pick up line

Q: Wanna get a pizza and fuck?

A: No.

Response: Good, I really was not in the mood for pizza tonight anyway.

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September 21, 2005

Love letters I never sent (Inspired by Hurricane Rita)

Dear Random Girl I Met in Houston and Slept With Many Years Ago,

I never got your name, but I must say that if my memory serves me right we were good. You laughed at my jokes, we had a lot of fun. I see that Hurricane Rita is headed your direction. I would offer you my home in NM to stay in if I could remember your name.

A brief description -
*Brunette with hair to mid back
*Wore a purple v-string with "Use Your Tongue" printed on the front
*34 D Bra size
*Wore a purple v-string with "Use Your Tongue" printed on the front
*Wore a purple v-string with "Use Your Tongue" printed on the front
*Wore a purple v-string with "Use Your Tongue" printed on the front
*Wore a purple v-string with "Use Your Tongue" printed on the front
*I think her name was Stephanie or Stacy or Samantha or something.
*Wore a purple v-string with "Use Your Tongue" printed on the front
*Wore a purple v-string with "Use Your Tongue" printed on the front
I really liked her panties

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My all time favorite pickup line. (Do not read extended entry if you are offended easily)

Nice shoes.

Let's fuck.

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Zen and the Art of Fly Fishing Volume 2

The $79.00 blue jeans from Orvis in Jackson Hole, WY, will not last any longer than a $24.99 pair of Levi's, that I recently purchased at JC Penney.

If you were flyfishing though, nobody could tell which of these jeans you had on if any jeans; because, you see.... you would have waders on.

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September 19, 2005

Hmm... a couple of quick things

Recently a relationship in my life ended, one that at one time meant a lot to me. Most folks would be sad, yet I feel almost relieved. It is not that she was bad, in fact she was good, too good, almost way too good to and for me. Why then am I not sad?

Good question. I think sometimes people can be destructive toward one another. She was and is a good person. Yet, when I talked to her I felt as though everything I said to her was taken out of context. When I tried, she cried. When she talked to me about her feelings, I found it boring. She deserves better than that. I deserve better than to be treated as though I am an idiot, I am not from the East, I did not attend private college, I am a guy from the American West, I believe that deserts are beautiful not water deprived wastelands. To the girl... Well I wish you the best, I might as well go on and set you free, you've already turned me loose. No fault, no blame, nobody done no wrong- That's just the way it sometimes goes. Sometimes two people just don't get along, it's time to hit the road.

I believe that people are strange, though it would at times be nice to get together once a quarter with the opposite sex, or whomever you may be attracted to; mate, and move on.

Second thing....
Have you ever ran into someone that you don't know repeatedly? It is like in the movie of my life the director ran out of extras.

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Conversations with Pears X11

Pear: "Really though, 2018 is a long time to wait to go back to a place we first went in the 1960's."

Me: " Dunno man. I am far from a rocket scientist."

Pear: "Let me explain it to you... It's like this, It would be like Chevrolet saying that they were gonna make a Hummer H56 to be released in 2018 to boldly go where 1969 Ford Fairlanes had no trouble getting too."

Me: "Hmm."

Pear: "Comprende?"

Me: "Yup."

Pear: "While you're up, can you get me a Pepsi?"

Me: "Uh..."

Pear: "Make it a diet would you pal? My wasteline keeps expanding. Soon I am going to need a freaking pair of suspenders."

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Devirginizing the Grand Jury's Sensitive Ears.

...What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me?.... ~ Really, it is amazing that he is the first.

Wow. Via NMKEN

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September 17, 2005

Zen and the Art of Fly Fishing Volume 1

Though my fishing partner prefers the "perfection loop" I believe the merits of the "surgeon loop" far outweigh the fact that is not quite as neat nor as compact.

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September 16, 2005

Conversation with Ex

My cell phone rings... I had recently changed her ring tone to Usher's "My Boo" I hear "It started way back when we were younger you were mine my boo, now another brother's taking over, but it's still in your eyes, even though we used to argue it's alright, I know we haven't seen each other in a while, but you will always be my boo."

I answer. The conversation proceeded.

Me: Hey girl how you doing?

C: I have missed you my sweet Jesse. Remember when I poured water over your head? We were cute when we flirted. I think we are still now. You are still my best.

Me: I have missed you too.

C: Well, what are you doing tonight?

Me: Thinking about you... What are you doing?

C: Jesse, you still have it. I think we need to talk in person.

Me: You remember how to get in the gate?

C: See you soon sweetie.

Me: K, bebbie. Can't wait.

She is on her way upstairs. I will not tell what happens, unless in a private e-mail. (JOKING)

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September 12, 2005

Ladies and Gentleman Please stand up and welcome back a good friend of mine....

Jeremy has returned. Yes indeed, with the fire that made me read twice. In an an exclusive interview I talk to Jeremy about life, love and fu man Caos.

LOSLI: "First of all welcome back, nice to see you posting again."

Jeremy: "Nice to be seen though I hope that you get above 40 hits a day soon."

LOSLI: "Well, we, like you tend to alienate some readers. Oh well shit happens."

Jeremy: "Indeed. Heh. Though I do not want you to think I am copying Evil Glenn."
LOSLI: "Never. Oy. Now, I am not mimmicking Atrios or Duncan or whatever his catch phrase name is this week."

Jeremy: "I came back, because of the groupies."

LOSLI: "Groupies?"

Jeremy: "They flock to you when you are a warmonger or have a nine and half inch porn cock like myself."

LOSLI: "I obviously need an extension and a new name."

Jeremy: American Whoremonger is still open, I believe Jess....

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Conversation with random lady on the stairmaster at the gym

Lady: "Do you come here a lot?"

Me: "To the stairmaster?"

Lady: "That and the gym."

Me: "No, not enough."

Lady: "Hmm."

Me: "Damn, it can you tell that easy?"

Lady: "...."

Me: "Damn you TACO BELL. Damn you all to hell, with your nachos supreme."

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September 07, 2005

Interpreting modern rap music for really out of touch people volume 1

Verse 1 and Chorus of The Game' Start From Scratch. I may do verses two and three tonight.

If I could start from scratch I wouldn't change shit
No regrets.
Same red bandana same 45th
Teal just isn't his color.
Same g wagon same hoodrat bitch
He has made smart choices in my automobile purchases and women to be involved with relationships.
Workers in the kitchen cookin up my shit
It is important to have friends with excellent quiche recipes.
Same telephone booth same connect
He really likes his phone number, and the sound of the dial tone.
That mean the same hollow tips breakin up in my chest
He was shot. He did not enjoy it.
Same bloody t-shirt same address
The blood got stains in too tough for even Shout.
Same dog food album bangin in my tape deck
He enjoys a whole plethora of artists, Snoop Dogg being one of them.
Homie if I could make 94 today
If someone invented a time travel machine.... and set it to 1994
I'd tell easy and dre to bring back N.W.A.
He would search out Eazy-E and Dr. Dre, and tell them to bring back N.W.A.
I would have told Pac not to stomp Orlando
He would have travelled to Las Vegas to mediate the dispute between Tupac Shakur and Orlando Anderson at the MGM Grand after the Tyson fight on September 7th 1996, had he had a time machine.
Told puffy and B.I.G about the Rampart scandal
He would have talked at great length with Puff Daddy or "Diddy" as he is known now and Christopher Wallace or "Biggie" about some corrupt police officers in L.A. the Rampart Scandal.
I got too many dead homies
He has lost a lot of friends.
Fuck a rap career
He would give up all the Jesus Peaces, and go back to slanging for a chance to have all of his friends back.
I'd give anything in the world to bring back my nigga tez
He misses his friend Tez, he wishes he was around so that they could play Scrabble.
Seem like we was jus' in magic city yesterday
He remembers their trip to Magic Mountain very well, they especially enjoyed the water rides.
If I could bring back my homeboy charles he would say...
He obviously is grieving over the loss of Charles Schultz the creator of "Snoopy", which was his favorite Sunday Morning Comic Strip

If I could start my life from scratch
If I could take away the pain off my past
If I had another chance I would do just that
I'd give anything jus' to go right back

If I could start my life from scratch
If I could take away the pain off my past
If I had another chance I would do just that
I'd give anything jus' to go right back

Regrets, regrets, regrets.

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September 05, 2005

How I spent my labor day

Getting tattoos on my arms, one reading "Bill Frist scares me" on my left and "Hillary, you make my heart sing and my crotch tingle." on my right forearm.

All and all a quite productive day.

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Mike Brown

From Josh Marshall via Travis.

So let me see if I understand this. Brown's a Republican from the southwest. He ran unsuccessfully for Congress when he was thirty-three. Then he bounced from job to job, finally getting into the sports business in mid-life, before getting canned. And then he used connections to land himself a high-powered position in the federal government for which he had no apparent experience at all.

How could such a fellow possibly be in the Bush administration?

Complete Bio
What a compassionate fucker he is.
Should he be fired?

En espanol

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IM Conversation with my ex-girlfriend...

Her: So, no repurcussions, cost no issue you can do anything you want what would you do?

Me: Fly to Aruba.

Her: Why Aruba?

Me: To aid in the search for Natalee Holloway.

Her: You are a sick individual. Funny. Yet very sick.

Me: Well, I suppose I could go to Washington, D.C. and see the body of Rehnquist.

Her: You really are demented.

Me: I try. Though, I might go try to bum a roid injection shot off Rafey in Texas. I get the feeling that he is not getting many visitors right now.

Her: Jesse, you need to seek help.

Me: OK.

Her: I'll call you in a minute k?

Me: Deal.

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Good blogging



both via Atrios

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Open letter to President Bush from the New Orleans Times Picayune

We heard you loud and clear Friday when you visited our devastated city and the Gulf Coast and said, "What is not working, we’re going to make it right."

Please forgive us if we wait to see proof of your promise before believing you. But we have good reason for our skepticism.

Bienville built New Orleans where he built it for one main reason: It’s accessible. The city between the Mississippi River and Lake Pontchartrain was easy to reach in 1718.

How much easier it is to access in 2005 now that there are interstates and bridges, airports and helipads, cruise ships, barges, buses and diesel-powered trucks.

Despite the city’s multiple points of entry, our nation’s bureaucrats spent days after last week’s hurricane wringing their hands, lamenting the fact that they could neither rescue the city’s stranded victims nor bring them food, water and medical supplies.

Meanwhile there were journalists, including some who work for The Times-Picayune, going in and out of the city via the Crescent City Connection. On Thursday morning, that crew saw a caravan of 13 Wal-Mart tractor trailers headed into town to bring food, water and supplies to a dying city.

Television reporters were doing live reports from downtown New Orleans streets. Harry Connick Jr. brought in some aid Thursday, and his efforts were the focus of a "Today" show story Friday morning.

Yet, the people trained to protect our nation, the people whose job it is to quickly bring in aid were absent. Those who should have been deploying troops were singing a sad song about how our city was impossible to reach.

We’re angry, Mr. President, and we’ll be angry long after our beloved city and surrounding parishes have been pumped dry. Our people deserved rescuing. Many who could have been were not. That’s to the government’s shame.

Mayor Ray Nagin did the right thing Sunday when he allowed those with no other alternative to seek shelter from the storm inside the Louisiana Superdome. We still don’t know what the death toll is, but one thing is certain: Had the Superdome not been opened, the city’s death toll would have been higher. The toll may even have been exponentially higher.

It was clear to us by late morning Monday that many people inside the Superdome would not be returning home. It should have been clear to our government, Mr. President. So why weren’t they evacuated out of the city immediately? We learned seven years ago, when Hurricane Georges threatened, that the Dome isn’t suitable as a long-term shelter. So what did state and national officials think would happen to tens of thousands of people trapped inside with no air conditioning, overflowing toilets and dwindling amounts of food, water and other essentials?

State Rep. Karen Carter was right Friday when she said the city didn’t have but two urgent needs: "Buses! And gas!" Every official at the Federal Emergency Management Agency should be fired, Director Michael Brown especially.

In a nationally televised interview Thursday night, he said his agency hadn’t known until that day that thousands of storm victims were stranded at the Ernest N. Morial Convention Center. He gave another nationally televised interview the next morning and said, "We’ve provided food to the people at the Convention Center so that they’ve gotten at least one, if not two meals, every single day."

Lies don’t get more bald-faced than that, Mr. President.

Yet, when you met with Mr. Brown Friday morning, you told him, "You’re doing a heck of a job."

That’s unbelievable.

There were thousands of people at the Convention Center because the riverfront is high ground. The fact that so many people had reached there on foot is proof that rescue vehicles could have gotten there, too.

We, who are from New Orleans, are no less American than those who live on the Great Plains or along the Atlantic Seaboard. We’re no less important than those from the Pacific Northwest or Appalachia. Our people deserved to be rescued.

No expense should have been spared. No excuses should have been voiced. Especially not one as preposterous as the claim that New Orleans couldn’t be reached.

Mr. President, we sincerely hope you fulfill your promise to make our beloved communities work right once again.

When you do, we will be the first to applaud.


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September 03, 2005

Is the pear going to talk to us again?

Well not today. The little fella got on a flight to San Antonio to talk to the displaced U.S. residents that he calls "San Antonio Sultans" he feels are being ignored by the MSM and is going to submit his reports to FoxNews. He also mentioned dinner at La Mansion and some much needed time investigating the riverwalk.

Posted by Jess at 10:39 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Would the response from the White House have been different had it been an election year?

This is a vague question. I am referring to any presidential election year from '88 - '08, with either party in power. Whadayathink?

(As you know this is a free speech zone, but let's not get too out of hand here, please.)

Posted by Jess at 10:15 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 01, 2005

Random Camera Phone Pics (Thursday Night Sunset)

Thursday night sunset.jpg

A little piece of the American West. It truly is God's country.

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A quick round up....

A quick random post that takes very little actual thought. (Just in case you were wondering how I defined "A quick round up.")

4 lesbians charged in assasination.

Sheperd Smith in faded blood caked fatigues.
FOXNews’ Shepard Smith, dressed now in the set of faded, bloodcaked fatigues he took off the body of a National Guardsman he found beaten to death in the Treme St corridor, stands calmly before the skeletal remains of the Best Western on Rampart St, his head shaved clean, jaw stiff, chin lifted slightly and pointing toward the on-camera light his crew has taken to using to augment the firelight from fifteen or so torches held by topless refugees Smith has rounded up from the Iberville projects.

Alamosa's Gay Republican Majority. Did I say lesbians? I meant Lebanese. Oops. Alexa is back and better than ever.... I do love that girl.

Very well said... Indeed.
I've walked the streets of New Orleans. I've felt the history alive there. I've looked into the faces of children and people who call New Orleans their home. I grew up in Mississippi. My family is all from Mississippi. My blood is southern fried, and my heart belongs to the South. My memories are being chipped away.

Yes, I guess it does matter. Just not today IMHO.

Fats Domino is missing. Keep him and all those that have gone lost or missing in the wake of Katrina in your thoughts and prayers.

Anarchy in the wake of Katrina.

Global warming debate? I wonder if Limbaugh still believes it is non existent.

More christian than Pat?

**** UPDATE******
Fats is alive.

via KOS

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